Breastfeeding, slingwearing, cloth diapering Earth Mama!

Fall is just around the corner

2011-08-29T14:56:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to drop in and do a quick update.

Jaxen is 11 months old. he is cruising and climbing like nobody's business. He loves blues clues, bananas, and is still a boobman. He says "mama, dad, and NO!" he knows what "gimme some lovin" and "give your mama kisses" means. Right now he is on day 4 of hardly sleeping, I am suspecting a tooth to make an appearance any day now and for our lives to go back to normal.

Cyrus is 2.5 years, has an extensive vocabulary and is very Macho, just like his daddy. He is totally into anything that is slimy, gross, or smells weird. His favorite outfit is his green frog face rainboots, a pillowcase cape and his batman mask with nothing else!! He is pretty much potty trained and has been for a couple months now. We still use diapers when we are out of the house, but he rarely has an accident when we are at home.

Lexi is still an aspiring hairdresser as she has chopped her bangs yet again. I gave her a hairut the other day and evened up the back. She looks really cute. She is starting to do some basic academic work, like sight words, counting, shapes, and coloring.... lots of coloring..... and glueing. oh the oogads of glue that get wasted in the house. The other day I found a sea shell glued to the inside of my closet that no doubtedly came from Lexi.

Skylar is 9 and is still a huge help as always. She now always has a phone glued to her ear if she isn't doing schoolwork. This week we are actually finishing up a large section of work we did over the summer and we are planning to take our break in the fall and focus more on field trips and things like that for a couple of weeks. She is really interested in the welfare of animals. She has sent a few protest pictures that she colored to different companies that she believes is cruel to animals. She recently watched Food Inc. and was horrified at the animal cruelty that goes on in convential and commercial food production facilities. Seeing that sometimes meat gets contaminated with feces in commercial meat butchering plants, was enough to make her a locavore for life and only eat meat that is from local and family owned farms. She is really growing up.

Alex is still finishing his bachelors and working at Baylor. He is currently trying to decide if he is going to go into the chiropractic program or an Accupuncture program. Both options are slightly overwhelming for different reasons and he is weighing the pros and cons of each. He has been working so hard these last 2 and a half years and he is really ready to be done with his degree. Anyone that thinks that taking online classes to get a degree is easy, is completely out of their mind. I am so proud f how hard he has been working as well as mainting his 40 hour a week job at Baylor.

I have a few new things in the works for myself. I am starting my own internet classes in September at the Institute for Integrative nutrition in New york. I will finish the program as a certified holistic health coach. Right now I am also going oncall at North Houston birth Center in Houston as well as taking my own private clients. I have 1 private doula client lined up for every month until March. I am really proud of myself for that. I have recently lost 3 pants sizes and I am back into my jeans that I wore before I got pregnant with Cyrus! I feel really good about that and plan to shed much more weight in the near future. My body is changing again and it is finally for the better. I feel like I have watched my belly round out more than I have watched it flatten. I am not one of those lucky gals who drop ALL their babyweight 2 weeks after birth. This has been a really challenge and struggle for me, but it has been worth it because I really am feeling so much better than before.

Well I think that's the lowdown on all of us. I am really looking forward to cooler weather and for winter veggies to be in season. We are coming up on my FAVORITE time of year and I am starting to get a wee bit antsy!

Jaxen's Birth 9-26-10

2011-06-30T07:35:00.000-07:00

Well this post has been a long time coming. My beautiful baby boy Jaxen, is already growing into a curious big boy. He got his first teeth at 4 months, he was 23 pounds at 6 months old, and he crawled shortly thereafter. He had his first solid food at 8 months old, given to him by his big brother. His first food was.... duh duh duh.... an "Enjoy Life" allergen- free chocholate chip lol. Not by my choice of course. He absolutely loved it though. We of course followed that up with avocados, sweet potatoes, and carrots (although I think that was to Jaxen's dismay after his first food.) He took his first steps 2 weeks ago, and he turned 9 months old a few days ago. Why am I just now blogging all of this? why didn't I ever post his birth story?

Many reasons really. Partly because I have been so overwhelmed with 4 kids that the idea of sitting down to blog and getting consistently interrupted just isn't appealing to me. I've been really busy as well, we moved twice in the last 6 months, I've been finishing coursework for "She Births" (which was way easier when I didn't have 2 babies under 2, I should have finished it then.... lesson learned), I've also been focusing on Doula work and Childbirth Education which is very time consuming. The main reason though- Jaxen's birth was not the ecstatic birth I expected.

I spend time with moms overcoming birth trauma, moving beyond the fear of childbirth so that they can have an amazing experience. I am the one who is always telling my clients that "your body knows exactly what to do, you have to just surrender to the process and let it all unfold" . I am always reassuring women that it is a good thing to trust birth, trust our bodies, and that what is meant to be, will be, as long as we don't intervene. But to be honest I lost faith in myself through the whole thing. I'm sure that sounds crazy to some after I had 2 amazing homebirth experiences, 1 of which was unassisted by medical professionals. This will be a long story as I labored on and off for several days, but there is also some "heavy" information that goes along with this story that is essential to be explained.

After I had Cyrus Unassisted, my neighbor verbally attacked my girls while they were outside because she said they were too close to her car. I told my girls not to talk to her anymore and asked her not to speak to us anymore. Well she was a very sad person and because she was angry at me, she called Child Protective Services and reported us for Birthing without a medical professional present, for not vaccinating, she said my oldest just didn't go to school (we homeschool)... these things were all somewhat variations of the truth. We did have an unassisted birth, we don't vaccinate, and technically the kids don't go to a school. None of these things are illegal, and do not even present a reason to remove the kids from the home. It was the lies the were told that really raised suspicion.

You see, CPS is set up in such a way, that ANYONE can call in and report ANYTHING wether it is true or not. There is no punishment for people who call CPS and lie. So it is very common for people to use CPS as a way to get back at someone, often for petty reasons. Once CPS is in your life, even if they decide quickly that it isn't a reasonable case, you are in their system. You are many times guilty until proven innocent. Children are often removed from homes before there is even a confirmed risk identified. Sadly, once children are removed from thier homes, it is difficult for parents to get them back, even if the claim was proved false. Thankfully our children were never removed, BUT my husband was coerced to sign a piece of paper agreeing to a "safety plan". At the time, he didn't really know he had a choice, and once he had signed it, our attorney suggested we just finish the program and be done with it. Our Plan consisted of parenting classes, monthly visits, random drug tests, and a psychological evaulation. It seemed harmless enough, and honestly it was. One we moved to Splendora and had our case moved to Montgomery Cty, it really wasn't bad. My case worker was really nice and she worked with me and even tried to get the parenting classes waived due to the nature of my business. Our case was closed in February 2010. I was 8 weeks pregnant but didn't tell my caseworker because of the pregnancy policy and at 8 wks, I could have easily claimed ignorance. (If you have an active case with CPS, and fall pregnant, your case will remain open until the birth of the next child, and the safety plan will be extended)

I really wanted to birth unassisted again, but after dealing with CPS for 8 months, I was afraid. So I hired a midwife that lived close to me. I really liked her, and she was willing to let me do my own thing and basically offer assistance as I deemed necessary. It was nice to escape from the house for an hour every month and focus on just me and the new baby. I didn't have much time aside from that to think about it much. I actually looked forward to my appointments, but the funny thing was, that I never felt at peace with the pregnancy. I often cried during my midwife appointments because I was so scared of having 2 babies back to back. I was always stressed out, and due to the previous cps stuff, I was in a constant state of paranoia. I look back on that time now, and it was a dark time for me. If someone knocked on the door, my stomach would automatically drop from fear of who was on the other side of it.... My intuition rarely fails me I guess...

When I was 8 months pregnant, there was a knock at my door. She had a clipboard, a camera, and a laptop.... I knew. She was from Cps. She told me that, my previous caseworker had quit her job without properly filing my paperwork, and she was just there to do my closing interview, BUT I was visibly pregnant...which meant back to the safety plan until the baby was born. Thankfully she was very nice and supportive of homeschooling, as she had HS'd her own kids, and was surprisingly supportive of home birth (attended by a midwife and within the perameters of the Texas state law of course).

The further my pregnancy progressed, the more I retreated. I didn't feel like a beautiful round pregnant woman that was preparing to bring LIFE into this world. I felt many things, few of which could be classified as "beautiful". I didn't have to energy to "prepare" the way I had with my other births. I did try to build my "birthing nest" but apart from that, I wasn't very connected to the Earthy Birthy Mom that I usually am. 38 weeks hit and I had a good spout of prodromal labor. I thought it might actually turn into something. I thought "FOR SURE I WON"T GO OVERDUE THIS TIME!" Finally something to be happy about! This baby would come earlier than I originally thought. there was no way I would go that much longer after I had the kind of laborish stuff going on. (side note* don't ever tell yourself this! it's never a good idea to convince yourself that you will go into labor earlier than 40 or 41 weeks- because it's very depressing when your due date passes you up)

39 weeks rolled around.... 40 wks... I finally had more early labor. ALL day, I was 2ish cm.... but then things stopped. I hit 41 weeks and we had a HUGE storm. the next day I had contractions all day. I sent the kids away. I was up all night. nice long contractions about a minute long, 4-7 minutes apart. This was it! the real thing! I was going to see my baby soon. Eventually, I literally passed out from exhaustion. i sat on the bed for a minute and woke up at 4 am to pee and wasn't in labor. I couldn't believe it. I had HARD contractions for a full day. how could I not be in labor? How could I mistake labor? I had already done this 3 times!!! what the hell was wrong with me? I was seriously cracking up now! I was convinced that pregnancy had officially altered my brain to not have any clue WTH was going on with my own body. I was convinced my midwife thought I was stupid and childish. (it's funny the things we believe when our hormones are raging). The saddest thing is, that somewhere in there I had convinced myself that my body wouldn't work. I asked my midwife to do so many things I would normally have never done.
After I hit 42 weeks I really tried to induce labor. I got a Biophyscal profile that told us that the baby fine but was definitely "macrosomic". That sounded so scary. Even to a Birthy person like me. my baby was so big that it was classified as "macrosomic" and that just terrified me. I started thinking I wouldn't be capable of pushing out such a big baby. Cyrus was 9 lbs and THAT was hard work!!! so I started on the road of natural induction.

Alot of women don't think natural induction will really do anything to you if your body isn't ready. That is false. I have LITERALLY tried everything to naturally induce labor. over the last 2 weeks of my 43 week pregnancy, I got 4 colonics, 2 masssages, chiropractic care, 5 or 6 reflexology treatments, I took blue and black cohosh, cottonroot bark, homeopathics, I gave myself 4 enemas, we had sex like crazy (which is seriously not fun when you are doing it to try to induce labor... just sayin), I asked my midwife to strip my membranes twice. Nothing was working. Everything we tried would give me good strong hard contractions for many hours, and completely wear me out, made me feel like crap until I would just pass out from exhaustion and wake up rested and contraction free! UGH! I was so angry. Part of the problem was that the baby's head was not very well applied, and I was 4-5ish cm, but had a VERY bulgy bag of water. we had suspicions for quite some time that the head might be Asynclitic. I had done many things to try to get his head to turn and come down but nothing really worked. Every other day my case worker would call me and ask if I had had the baby yet. She was starting to get concerned because she knew I was overdue. I had another BPP at 42w5days. Baby still seemed fine, but you could tell that everyone in the U/S office was shocked I was there again. This time I let alex stay behind in the room after I left to find out the sex of the baby. BUT he had to promise not to tell me or anyone else.

My midwife and I made a deal at that point. Saturday morning, I would take castor oil and she would strip my membranes (yet again) to try and get things moving and if I hadn't had the baby by monday morning, I would agree to go see Dr. Guilliams at west houston hospital and get induced. So saturday morning I woke up and had my castor oil cocktail. I now understand why women should not do this to induce labor. not only did it give me the most painful diarrhea I've ever had, but I got hemmorrhoids before my labor even started and it hurt to sit, walk, pee, poo, squat. It just EFFING hurt!!! the upside to all the colonics, enemas, and castor oil...... I had the cleanest Butt in houston! seriously. (needless to say, I never got the urge to poop during this labor lol.... TMI I know, but am the Queen of TMI- all those close to me know that).

The contractions had started to set in again, not that it really meant anything to me though... I had already done this 15 times in the last week! My midwife came to manipulate my cervix. It had been as soft as pudding for 2 weeks and was 5ish cm when she got there. There wasn't really anything even to strip. her fingers into my cervix up to her knuckles with no problem. We hoped it would do Something though. I was desperate by this point. I DID NOT want to have this baby in a hospital. My last baby HAD to be born at home. I hadn't even considered any other option. a few minutes later my water broke.
"Clear Fluid!" ah we all felt so much better. I was really concerned about there being meconium because I was so far overdue and I had done so many things to try and induce labor.
Well now, my midwife and I had a new agreement. I had to be active by a certain time period for me to stay home. "No problem" I thought. my water had broken, baby's head was finally sitting on my cervix. Contractions were getting pretty regular. I was already 5! all I needed was a good regular pattern to get things going. I started making breakfast for everyone but I felt really scatterbrained. between the contractions and the excitement, I kept forgetting to check the belgian waffles and I had to make Alex take over the eggs and sausage. Things were really happening.. I started having to dance through them. from the wall, to the ball, to the floor. That was my dance. I played my relaxing playlist and we all sat around and visited in between contractions..... Then it hit me. I was enjoying hanging out way too much to really be in labor. I started to cry because I knew it wasn't working. In fact when they asked me what was wrong I remember saying "I just need something to work!!!" and then broke down crying and sobbing. I know everyone in the room could feel my frustration at that point. so Diana (our midwife) suggested that everyone leave so Alex and I could be alone. They all (midwife, assistant, and photographer) left to go run little errands and stuff and Diana planned to come back around 8 to see what was going on. Alex and I retreated into a dark room and spent some "quality" time together hoping that the darkness and the love hormones would get my body moving again. It did somewhat but not enough to call it labor. Diana came back later that night and we all decided to go to bed in hopes that I would have to wake her up in the middle of the night to have a baby. I woke at 5 am, still with no contractions. I drew a warm bath and got in to relax. I knew that the hour was upon us. I had slept soundly all night, and the agree upon time to transfer was quickly approaching. while I was in the bath, alone, with my thoughts, and my baby, I knew that emotionally I was done. Legally, Diana was done. There really wasn't more she could do for me without stepping outside her scope of practice. So I got out of the bath, got dressed and sat on the edge of the bed and cried. I cried hard. I cried tears of sadness, anger, fear, but strangely relief. I was 43 weeks pregnant. I was ready for this show to be on the road. I called around to the hospitals to see what dr's were on call. The charge nurse at St. Lukes was wonderful on the phone. I told her what was going on and she was very sweet and urged me to come in. Assured me that I would be treated respectfully and that they would try to appease me in any way they could. So Alex and i stopped at Central Market to get snacks, meals, juices, waters. We finally got to the hospital at about 10 AM. They hooked me up to a monitor and asked me all the admittance questions. Checked my cervix, I was about 5-6, but super soft, like before. The Dr came in. I told her all of my requests expecting to have to argue and fight. She just said "ok, I think i can try to do all that".... it was eerie how easy it was lol. I was expecting to be punished for attempting homebirth. I've heard some horror stories. but they were really wonderful

They started the pit and gave me a dose of antibiotics at 11:30. by 12:30 I was finally establishing a labor pattern. at 2:30 I was checked and I was 7 cm. The pit was hitting me hard by now. The contractions were like this monster that grabbed hold of me and squeezed until my eyes were about to pop out. I remember the nurse asking me all these questions about natural birth and home birth in between contractions, and I remember answering but I have no idea what I said. Alex was holding me, doing counter pressure like mad, and getting me everything I needed. He was the best Doula ever. I remember grabbing his hands and rubbing them all over my face like I was a cat or something. I am sure I was a sight lol. The nurse came in and asked me if I wanted "just a little bit of drugs" to take the edge off. I will admit that for a few seconds I considered it. I was on pit, it would be justified. but then I looked at Diana's face, and even though she remained unchanged, it was like I read her mind. I didn't need it. I wouldn't be judged if I took it, but I didn't need it.
The nurse asked me at one point if I was ok. I said "I' just trying to remind myself that I'm not dying!"
Alex told me once when I was grabbing at him and apologizing, he told me I could do whatever I needed to. and I said (while grabbing his shoulders) "that means that I would have to shake you like this (shaking violently) OH MY GOD AAAAAHHH THIS IS SO INTENSE! I CAN DO THIS! AH AH AH AH SQUEEZE ME NO DON"T TOUCH ME, HOLD ME!"
The nurse came in a few minutes later to check me again. still at 7. she wanted to turn up the pit. The idea of turning it up actually made me start to lose it a little. I felt the pressure of KNOWING I had the right to say no, and KNOWING that I had way more pit than I needed, but feeling like I was going to end up in csection if I didn't have this baby soon. I let them turn it up to 8 and took the 2nd dose of antibiotics. now my head was spinning. I was growling at this point. the rushes came back to back by now. the Doc came in...
"Well why didn't you tell me it was like this? I didn't know she was moving along this quickly when I told you to turn up the pit"

in my head I was cursing that nurse. but all I could really do was close my eyes and make noise. the dr. checked me at a few minutes after 4 pm. "she's 8". the scrub tech came in. "she is all over that bed! where is her epidural?? she doesn't have an epidural???" again, explicit curse words were flying through my head. she's lucky that the only thing I could say was "ahhhhhhhhhhhh". The Doc had walked out by that point. I knew she had just said I was 8 about 5 minutes prior to that, but I also knew that I was about to push the baby out wether or not they were ready for it.
I had a quick moment where I growled out "you better call the doc cuz I'm about to crown this baby hhhuuurrrrggggggggggggggaaaaaaahhhhhhhhoooooooo"! It felt so chaotic up to that point. but then there was a sudden shift of energy. Dr. collins came in and told me I could push. she never laid her hands on me. I was lying on my side so I just grabbed my leg and started pushing. It was completely silent. noone said a word, everything was still it seemed. I could feel them all watching me, but I didn't care. I just had to PUSH and I pushed and I pushed. I started wondering if anything was even happening because noone said anything. i'm used to someone at least saying something along the lines of "we can see the head, you're doing great" something... I finally yelled "CAN YOU SEE ANYTHING??????!!!!!" and it was like a simultaneous "yes keep going" came from everyone in the room. Very odd, very strange, but I was thankful, so I kept pushing. I could feel the burn and then felt his head come out. I looked down and could tell he was FATTT and I couldn't even really see his face well. At that point, heart tones stopped and the chaos ensued. It was strange because the Dr still seemed calm, it was the nurses that were freaking out. "Grab her leg, I need help, she's too strong, get the baby out! NICU NEEDS TO GET IN HERE STAT" and then I don't really know what happened. Suddenly I was on my back and they were restraining my legs and pushed on my belly to get him out. It was like I went from an active participant to a bystander in 2 seconds. I felt his shoulder unlodge from behind my hip bone and then felt a huge POP in my tailbone followed by an INTENSE shooting pain and FLOP the baby was out. Blue. Lying there on the bed. the cord was already cut. how did that happen so fast? why would you do that? I felt like everything was in slow motion. The nurses grabbed the baby and started working, rescusitating, pumping. This was so unreal, surreal.. I'm not really sure which.... I heard Alex say "come on Son! Come on!" That's when I knew it was a boy. and then the most beautiful thing happened. After what felt like forever, I heard my son's tiny voice for the first time. I heard him cry out to me. wanting me, and I wanted him so bad! I heard the nurses say he was going to the Nicu. " dont I even get to hold him?" "for a minute mama." he was already wrapped up, I could hardly recognize him. I kissed him and I cried, not from joy but because I felt I had let him down. Alex had never been to a hospital birth before and when I looked at him I could tell he was swallowed in fear, and shock. we both kissed and held onto our baby before he had to go. I told Alex to go and not leave his side.

I said I was going to the nicu. the nurse said I couldnt. I said "I dont have an epidural, I'm going." she said it would be at least an hour before I could go. "I"M GOING TO MY SON!" then the dr told me that if I could get up and change my gown and get into a wheelchair she would take me herself. she and diana helped me change got me in a wheelchair and got me to my son in less than 15 minutes. When I got there my amazing husband was shirtless and had already unwrapped Jaxen and had him skin to skin. It was a beautiful moment for me. Everything I had told Alex in the past about how important immediate skin to skin was.... he listened. He knew exactly what to do without me there. he protected our son from eye ointment, told the nurses they would NOT be doing that before our son had a chance to see me, he didn't let them do the hepb or the vit k or give him formula. he was my perfect mate right at that moment. I knew we were on the same team then.

shortly after that I started having some heavy bleeding while I was in the NICU so they had to take me back to my room to get it under control. The nurse almost acted like she was punishing me for going to the NICU before she had a chance to "fix me". like I had been a bad girl or something. it makes me laugh now but then I wanted to stick my finger in her eye lol. They finally let me nurse when he was 2 hours old, I was afraid he wouldn't take it but he did! like a champ! he got out of the +NICU 4 hours later. The neonatologist came to see us and told us that he was doing remarkably well for the kind of start he had. When he came in he said "man he is a TALL drink of water!!! I never get big babies in the NICU!" and he is just that! a BIG boy! a Smiley boy! A light in our lives....

Jaxen Everette Yunker
9/26/10 4:22pm.
9lbs 10 oz 22.5 inches long

The Waiting Game 40 weeks 3 days

2010-09-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

I feel a sense of many different emotions right now. I of course feel the excitement that naturally comes with a new baby, but I feel many others along with that. It's a strange dynamic that the end of pregnancy causes in my brain. I am easily aggravated. I feel like the littlest thing can set me off. Which in turn causes a feeling of anxiety, partly because I ultimately don't know what's going to happen after this baby comes (or during this baby's entry into our world) but also because I don't know what my boiling point is. I sometimes feel like maybe my pot might boil over and I might just completely freak out on the person nearest to me (which is sadly, usually my husband), and I even find myself truly having to verbally remind myself not to freak out on the kids in the middle of their screaming rampages against eachother, that could usually be avoided if they all weren't trying to boss each other around and take things from eachother, but I guess this is something we all learn in time and I can't expect them to completely grasp it when I am still learning to come to terms with that myself (the bossing part- I'm not one to take things from people).

The end of a pregnancy can be really hard. It's always hard for me. I want to just take that next step. I want to feel normal. I want to not be pregant anymore. and MY GOD there is so much pressure! Everyone wants to know when the baby is coming as if I have some sort of psychic ability to know when it will happen. Really? I mean if I really knew when this baby was going to come I wouldn't have been giving people a 2-3 wk range of possible arrival dates. I wouldn't be sitting here feeling like it's never going to happen. when people call to ask "are you still pregnant?" or "haven't you had that baby yet?" I seriously contemplate just hanging up for a second. I mean seriously, if I haven't called to say "hey it's a boy/or it's a girl" then there is a pretty good chance I haven't had the baby yet. and believe me, I am more anxious for this to be done than you are!

Usually when days go by for most pregnant women, they feel one day closer to having their baby, but I really just feel one day further away. I am definitely not myself right now. I don't think the people around me truly understand that. I can completely understand why induction seems like "the answer" for alot of women, because it sucks to be this freakin pregnant!!! If I wasn't completely educated about how bad inductions can be, I would probably have done it again and again because I am not one to enjoy being pregnant.

BUT the truth is, I am educated about those risks and I made the educated choice to have another natural, unmedicated home birth. Along with these choices comes the responsibility of waiting until my body and this baby are truly ready. And I know that when the time does come, it will be the right time and that all these feelings I am experiencing now will melt away when I see my baby for the first time. I know and I do trust, even beyond my fears, that my body is completely capable of birthing this baby the way that it should without high technology and augmentation. I know it will be soon and it will be perfect, I just hate waiting for the perfect stuff!

Sometimes Less is more

2010-07-20T08:13:00.000-07:00

okay so I found something that really irks me. I feel a rant coming on.

I LOVE Facebook. I think its so great to keep in touch with people and keep up with their lives. I have made alot of "friends" on there through my interests and I am so thankful for that because there are some really wonderful ladies that are so wise.

But I also HATE Facebook because sometimes I read things that is such CRAP and so many people lending BS advice to people they don't even know!!!

The big one for me right now is breastfeeding. I love the fact that there is so much support for breastfeeding moms on there, but I also hate when I am reading advice telling women to go to such extremes to increase their milk when they may not truly have a problem.

I have recently seen one person post suggesting the use of Domperidone. Like really pushing the issue and telling women that it is the best option to increase their milk supply when it is low without even posting anything about any risks. Domperidone was actually first prescribed as an anti-emetic drug (for nausea and vomiting) and was found to increase the levels of prolactin therefore causing lactation. In 2004 the FDA sent letters to pharmacies warning them of the dangers of "offlabel use" including cardiac arrest and arrythmia and said that all offlabel prescriptions should be seized.
Now, that said, I do know women who have used it to breastfeed their adopted babies- ok, am not judging, but I think it would be just as well to use donor milk and a SNS system but whatever. I have also known women who truly could not make milk that have used it and it worked for them- again I am not judging. BUT for someone to use it when they absolutely DO make milk just because their supply is low and then suggesting it to other moms saying "theres no risk" is just flat out uneducated and ridiculous. Why would you go to such extreme before trying things less aggressive?

I also see so many mom's advising new moms to pump their breasts to see how much milk they are getting and to pump for 20 minutes after baby eats and so on and so forth. I am so thankful pumps are available. I wouldn't have been able to nurse my 2nd daughter without one because I had to go back to school at 3 weeks postpartum or lose all my student loans. BUT there is risk with pumps too! For new moms breastfeeding can be hard and tiresome and even painful. Using a pump puts alot of "wear and tear" on your breasts and for someone who is dealing with soreness, a pump is not going to help!!!! Part of the problem that new mom's have is relaxing enough to let their milk let down, when you add sore nipples to the equation, how are they supposed to relax?? To me, it just seems like adding insult to injury and making the problem worse. Why is it so important to know how many ounces our babies are getting? One mom may have the same nutritional value in 2 oz that another mom may get in 6 oz!!! You really can't gage "how much milk" you are getting by using a pump because they don't empty your breast the way a baby does, so I really feel like it can either cause false security, or unneeded uproar in a household, therefore causing more stress and feelings of inadequecy, which spirals down to cause MORE LOW MILK ISSUES!!!!
Besides that, it is stressful to schedule pumping sessions in between nursing. How are you supposed to nurse your baby, change diapers, pump for 20 minutes, nurse your baby, pump for 20 minutes, possibly be taking care of other children, nurse, pump, change....... and still have time to eat and keep yourself hydrated and not get stressed out? Don't any of these moms make the connection between stress and milk supply??? add to that sore nipples, and HELL!! I WOULD QUIT TOO!!!

I also see alot of women say that "you NEED to take fenugreek". Why? Why do you need to take fenugreek as a first option? yes Fenugreek is safe but it is adding something else to worry about. Also, what alot of women don't know or don't tell, is that using herbal remedies takes time. You don't just take one dose and VOILA! You make tons o' milk! It just doesn't work that way, so I have seen some moms take the herbs and then go "well I guess this isn't working either.. I guess I just can't make milk" I think there is a time and place for all medications including herbs. Nothing goes without warning or repercussion.

Want my advice?? well I could care less if you WANT it or not, if you chose to read this blog, you are getting it.

Before advising or resorting to such measures listed above, start with caring for yourself!! There is alot to say about the connection of self care, nutrition values in your diet, and DRINKING ENOUGH WATER!!!! and when I say that, I don't mean taking in enough fluid because fluid could be anything from coffee to soda,liquor or whatever. Unfortunately, the way that "special drinks" are so marketed and consumed, alot of people are unaware that it really does put more stress on our bodies to process these caffeinated and sugary drinks which gives our body something else to focus on rather than focusing on making milk.

Start with making sure you are getting enough calories. If you don't take in enough calories, you will not make milk. I believe that when you are dealing with a milk supply issue, you need to be taking in anywhere from 2800- 3100 calories per day, depending on what your normal caloric intake is. stop worrying about losing the baby weight. It will come off eventually, right now it is more important to nourish your baby than to lose weight. SO GET OVER IT!!!
You can also add foods to your diet that increase milk, like Garlic and oats. You can google "Galactagogue Foods" and find out which foods will naturally help increase your milk.

Back to the water- DRINK MORE WATER!!! To maintain your current health status, you need to be taking in at least half of your body weight in ounces of water- for example: if you weigh 150 pounds, you should be getting 75 oz a day of water. FOR NON BREASTFEEDING PEOPLE> when you are nursing, you need more than that. So if you aren't even getting what your body requires daily function at an optimal level, you definitely aren't getting enough to make more milk. Find ways that you will drink more. I got a huge thermal cup that I keep ice cold water in and I try to drink 2-3 of those a day. I don't like room temp water and I won't drink enough if I don't have ice. It may irritate my hubby to have to make midnight runs to the gas station for a bag of ice, but if it helps me drink more, then he will do it for me because he knows how important it is.

MOST IMPORTANT!!! NURSE ON DEMAND!!! throw schedules out the window. Let the house go to hell in a handbasket if you have to. If your baby wants to nurse, then sit down and feed that baby! You make milk on what is demanded by your breasts and baby. If you supplement with formula, that takes the demand off your body and you will be in the same situation you were in to start with. It should only take about 24 hours for your body to catch up with your baby. It takes afew months to really get to a regulated point because your baby is rapidly growing those first 3 months, therefore creating more and more demand with every day that passes. It may seem like your baby wants to nurse every 45 minutes, and they probably do sometimes. So what, that's what you are there for. Just because you are not pregnant anymore, does not necessarily mean that you "get your body back" right away. Let that notion go or you will be irritated and disappointed

Nurture yourself when you can. Get lots of sleep with your baby, take hot baths when you can and relax, call on friends and family to help around the house and with meals, I promise, If you ask- they will come, because what you didn't know is that they are all secretly waiting for you to call so they can feel useful and helpful to you. People actually need to be needed and will usually do SOMETHING to help with much love and gratification.

Now, with all that said- I do believe there are times for more agressive measures such as pumping and herbs and even domperidone, BUT WHY START WITH THAT??? It doesn't have to be that hard all the time! Our bodies were made to do this, and yes sometimes our bodies fail, but usually they don't! we are a master design and truly incredible beings. Take a step back and relax, it's not as confusing as you think! There are Lactation consultants out there to help you if you really have a problem. Listen to them when you have a problem- because alot of women have truly made themselves suffer in their own quest to increase their milk in so many unneccessary ways and I hate to see other women do the same upon "advice".

Sometimes less is more!!

I got the...... baby waiting bluuuueesss!

2010-07-15T17:51:00.000-07:00

Time is slipping away from me. So many things to do. I am spending my days getting more and more impatient with the world around me. I try to be happy and upbeat and ummm.... that other word... on the tip of my tongue...oh yeah! positive... that's the one. It's hard sometimes. I don't want to go anywhere, but my kids want to go everywhere. I do want to spend time with friends and family before this bebe gets here but gosh I just know so many people (yeah I'm the popular chick now lol) but it is so hard to make it all happen and coordinate schedules, because the reality of it is... if you have kids, and goals you wish to accomplish.... it's hard to get everything done and still have time for a social life.

I've got roughly 6 weeks left before I am due. I started from the beginning of this pregnancy saying that my due date was 2 weeks later than it is so that I would be mentally prepared to go overdue. Yeah that flew out the window as soon as the heat from the summer set in. Yeah this heat. it's like living inside an oven all the time. I'm so over being pregnant in the summer. It truly is a cruel torture that we summer mamas endure. so now here I am 6 weeks away from my REAL due date feeling as if I might cry if I go too far past that. Exactly what I wanted to avoid. It makes me so thankful for my other spring babies, and also makes me feel like an idiot complaining about the temperature with the other pregnancies, because nothing compares to this july-august crap!! Oh Father Sun! please go the EFF away!!! Find a nice comfy spot, go to sleep and come back to visit us when I am not 3 times the size I normally am. Yes I am bitching, but it's my blog so screw it I can say anything I want.

I am hoping to be able to arrange some sort of blessing ritual again with this pregnancy, but the calendar has more and more X's on it every time I look at it.

I am looking forward to giving birth, catching my own baby, seeing his or her face for the first time, feeling to see if we have a daughter or son, breastfeeding a wee one, and putting my slings and carriers back to work... The cloth diapering... yes I enjoy it, I am truly passionate about it, but HOLY GEEZ I change so many poo poo diapers already, I don't see where I will have time for anything else!!! I am actually trying out some new cloth diapers right now from Daddys Diaper Service. I am in the beginning phases of finding out what works best for us, so no review yet.

Today was a very lazy day. I took a 3 hour nap today since my hubby was home to take care of me (my back is in serious condition right now). I am lucky to have him. Even when he makes me nuts. It truly is a contest between him and the kids right now to see who can make me pull out more hair.

I am just so ready to be myself again. I have been pregnant for so long (like seriously almost 2 years) and I really lose sight of who I am during this hormonal time. I am normally a pretty tough chick and can handle most situations with elegance and grace... LOL who I am kidding. It's more like I can handle most situations with attitude and a little bit of force, but right now I am like a damsel in distress ALL THE TIME which is so not like me as most of you know!!!

Sometimes ladies, the thing that most people don't tell you is.. that even though pregnancy is an amazing time in our lives and we experience the most incredible feelings and changes in our bodies, sometimes it can be a bit depressing here at the end. It's like You are so close- but so far away. The conflictions about wanting your baby here, and wanting to stay pregnant are so great sometimes, that you make no sense from one sentence to the next. I think I can consider myself a veteran at this point, and I truly love pregnancy and childbirth and all the Earthy Birthy things that go with them, but to be TOTALLY honest- right now I would kill for an Ice cold Margarita or 4!!!! haha- that won't be an option for me even once I am not pregnant.... at least not for awhile... but hey! a girl can dream!

what day is this??

2010-06-27T19:10:00.001-07:00

Oh I think it's sunday. I can tell by the weekend mess around the house.

How many weeks pregnant am I? 30 or 31 or something like that. I don't know the time passes so quickly and I am so busy with the other kiddos, I just don't have much time to focus on it. When I notice this baby wiggling around, it is a nice moment. I feel like I want to talk to him or her, cuddle, and I do feel a sense of "aww I want my baby!" but usually I'm like "hey! don't think about comin early or you won't have a name!" The summer is getting hotter making it so hard to get through each day. My kids wear jackets around the house right now. I am so looking forward to the winter months. Even some fall weather would be nice. But who am I kidding. It is almost july right?

I have been doing pretty well with keeping up my other commitments. UCHOUSTON is going to have our first meeting in almost a year next week, I am taking on a low cost/free client and hoping to open up the truth about birth for her, and we have been doing at least one water activity every week. My tan is lookin pretty good these days, as long as you don't look at my legs. my belly blocks the sun from those. But from the chest up I look like a bronzed babe! I am also committing to finishing up all of my coursework for "She Births". I have decided to step back from Facebook until this is finished. I spend so much time looking at the Links people post and chatting and answering updates and stuff, I could be spending that time doing my internet research and putting together my resource list. I have to read "Women of a Thousand Generations" again and compare it to a mainstream book which I will have to read again as well because I haven't read a crappy mainstream pregnancy book in.... well over 8 years!! So I have quite the work lined up for me over these next couple months. I decided that I am officially a Facebook addict and that needs to change because there is serious word to spread out there, and even though its a great place to share information, there is more I need to be doing.

I learned to crochet as well! (like I don't have enough crap to be doing). I needed something to escape to sometimes. to destress with. I also want to make things for this baby because I don't want to pay for a wool coccoon or wool longies and shorties (and skirties if this is a girl). There are also so many things I can make for people, and yes it takes time, but it's enjoyable time and it will save bookoo bucks! I am still mastering the technique, and actually only know how to single crochet right now, but I will learn more once I get really good at that. I am also looking forward to teaching Skylar how. She did really well at knitting so I think she will pick it right up. My great grandmother was a crocheting wizard and I never was interested in learning while she was alive. I so wish I had, it would have been so much easier when I was a kid than it is now.

This upcoming birth seems so close but so far away!!! I have really been entertaining the idea of a squatting land birth instead of a water birth this time. A friend of mine went to a seminar at The Trust Birth Conference where water birth was discussed. The midwife who taught the seminar said that water birth washes away all those post birth smells that help mom and baby bond. It was interesting to me. So I decided that I want to try it. It's always a very messy clean up with the water birth too (I know I have cleaned up after many a waterbirth at the birth center I worked at) , so I feel like it would be easier to deliver over some disposable pads and just throw them away and then have a nice peaceful herbal Leboyer bath with my little one a few hours later. I guess a Leboyer bath is technically immediately after birth, but I want to wait awhile. I really want to relish everything during this birth since it will be my last time. Birthing is something I truly enoy (crazily enough- much more than pregnancy) and I want to remember every memory.

But who know- when those contractions hit, I may say screw it and get in the tub!!! we will just have to wait and see!

Kissaluvs contour hybrid diaper review

2010-06-03T22:04:00.000-07:00

so it's been awhile since I have done a product review.

When I first found out that I was pregnant with Bebe # 4, I decided I wanted to get one size diapers so that I could use the same diapers for both babies and have everything the same.

As most of you know(if you know me) I try to buy local when I can, which is originally what drew me to Kissaluvs Cloth Diapers. I used the old school Kissaluvs with Lexi and had some contours with Cyrus that were bought for me by the wonderful Brandi Nippert and Gabe Ohlson. I just didn't upsize when he grew out ofthem. Well about 5 months ago I noticed the new product on the website and HAD to have them. I loved that they have the option to use your own closure system but the legs are elasticized to hold in messy poops. I also liked the one size option since I will have multiple kids at different ages in diapers. So I finallybought some last week- and this is what I think of them.

THey are SUPER soft like the other kissaluvs diapers. There is a sewn in doubler that is a little bit long so that you can fold it under for extra protection. I really like that. The doubler is also only sewn in at the back of the diapers instead of all the way down the middle which makes for extra dry time.

It has extra long wings on the side to wrap around and use your own closure system with. I like to use snappis because I can maneuver them quickly with a wiggly baby, so that is a plus for me. THey do have some stretchiness to them so you can get a snug fit and avoid leaks.

the gussets are great at the legs. I have had 4 poopies that would have been oozing out the sides of my prefolds and probably even a disposable, but I didn't have that problem.

They make for a super trim fit and takes away alot of the bulkiness you see with cloth diapers.

My only issue..... I can't say that it qualifies to be a one size diaper which was a main attraction for me. The rise is just too short for my son. I am still able to use them for him, but it's a bit of a squeeze, which is okay since the fabric is so soft, but we won't be able to use them for him much longer. If the front top of the diaper was as long as the doubler, it would be perfect.

So all in all, for 10.95 per diaper I think it's a great deal, a great product, and hopefully Kissaluvs will come out with a toddler size for the Contour hybrid.

what is this? OH! My neglected Blog!

2010-06-02T07:58:00.000-07:00

Haha, so yeah it's been awhile. Things have been very high stress and chaotic around here the last few months and finally things are settling back into their places as they should be. I forget aboutmy blog sometimes, maybe because I don't have that many followers yet but alsobecause I have 3 kids with one on the way and it just makes things busy. The summer is approaching. Our Homeschool activities are at this point based more on fun learning. Not so much academic stuff, but as most of us know, the academics really do come naturally. Skylar taught herself to read this year (with help of course but she really did most of it on her own!)

Lexi's allergies have started getting really bad again. her breakouts seem to be getting more frequent, but we have still been able to keep it under control. I think there really is a link between her allergies and the heat. I think she is very sensitive to her own sweat because that seems to be when she breaks out the worst. So hopefully we can make it through the summer without any trips to the ER!

Cyrus is 14 months old now. He is SUCH a sweet baby! He is very affectionate, and explorative, and INTO EVERYTHING!!!! I really love the way he interacts with babies that are smaller than him, (aside from the eyegrabbing thing) it makes me confident that he will adjust well to the new little one on it's way.

AND THE LITTLE JUMPING BEAN- ahhh this pregnancy is truly flying by me. I am 28 weekson friday which equals 7 months. I am finally starting to really feel connected with this baby which I didn't feel for awhile at first. The excitement is starting to mount, I have been nesting like crazy and trying to get things set up now, so that I can just enjoy the rest of this pregnancy and the summer with my kids without having to worry about too much.

Alex is about to start another session in school. he is about 8 months away from graduating. He is making all As and Bs. He is working so hard to finish up, and keeping up his 40 hours at Baylor. He is the rock in this household.

I am have alot of new developments going on for me. I am currently trying to finish up all of my course work to be a workshop facilitator for "she births", a class that focuses more on the nonphysical aspects of labor and childbirth. It is about telling the truth about birth and includes touching on the spiritual subject of mother and baby bonding, and the connection they have while the bebe is in utero, as well as the emotional journey we take as mothers and what s means to cross that threshhold. Once I finish that up,I willstart holding workshops.

I am also doing some work with Kissaluvs cloth diapers. I am really excited about that!

I have also taken ownership of the UCHOUSTON yahoogroup and I am very committed to getting this group active again so that other women in houston seeking support for unassisted childbirth, have a place to go.

I have recently become a part of a group called 13for5, which is a project started by the Trust Birth Initiative, in which 13 women commit to spread the TRUTH about birth over the span of 5 years. weare just getting started and I am not completely sure what all this group will entail, but at the end of it there is supposedto be a documentary and it is supposed tobe a pretty big deal.

So now, I am also committing to staying updatedon this blog including "birth truths", family activities, our journey as we prepare for the entrance of our new addition, and new baby and natural parent product reviews. I hope to spread awareness aboutnatural parenting, natural childbirth, unassisted childbirth, and breastfeeding.

I do hope to be working with laboring moms again eventually, but right now I am focusing on the other ways I can reach these women while I am raising our small children. I hope our friends and family enjoy keeping up with usthis way!

Midwife or UC? * update!

2010-04-01T05:01:00.000-07:00

okay. so I needed to meditate for awhile. I am keeping my midwife. Plain and simple- This is my 4th baby. I am going to have 3 kids to take care of as well. In the event that I have bleeding or placenta issues, I want someone there so that I am not the only one with the brains. I want a quick recovery. I want to have someone take care of ME! that's what a mother based service is. And really, I like her! I truly like her and I know that I can open up to accept her at my birth! This is my last baby and no matter what, it's going to be a busy birth because I want my kids there to see this time. So what's one more? All of my births have been different and this one will be too. But that is what makes them memorable. Every person that ends up at this birth is someone who is *meant* to be there.

UC or midwife?

2010-03-14T10:05:00.001-07:00

so when I first got pregnant I decided to hire a hands off midwife since I had so many issues to deal with postpartum with my last UC. I really like her. She is very down to earth and nice and she seems very quiet and hands off.

now I am questioning my decision. there are a few reasons I feel like I may want to UC again.
1) there are people that I want at my birth. I want my husband there. he is amazing support for me and really is my Doula. He is so good at knowing what I need and supporting me without using dialogue.
I want my friend Lisa there to videotape. She has been at both my 2nd and 3rd births and did the same thing. by this time, it is kind of a tradition. she is awesome at getting good shots and keeping her mouth shut. she also leaves immediately after the birth so that we can get things under control and comes back after things settle down.
I want my friend Amanda there to take stills. I had NO still shots during my labor and birth with my son. It was because my hubby was busy with me, Lisa was videotaping, and angela didn't know what to do with herself and grabbed her videotape instead of my digital cam which gave us LOTS of video footage but hardly any pics. I also really love Amanda's demeanor and I feel like she would be a calming addition to my birth.

Add a midwife and an assistant on top of that, and possibly one or two of my kids, and we might as well have a party and make it public! I could probably even charge admission and make a little money off of it.

another reason is the money. we will have the 2600 from our tax return next month. I can pay the midwife in full, but wow 2600 bucks when I KNOW I can birth this baby by myself is alot. what I really need is postpartum help. I am not the kind of mom that calls the midwife after the first contraction and has her there for 2 or 3 days. probably not even 12 hours. I know I can wait till the last possible minute to call her and she would honestly probably only be at my house for 4-5 hours total (including postpartum time).

I could use that money to pay for so many things. but then again, if it really came down to it, and she ended up saving my life, 2600 dollars seems like a minimal price for my life!!

Then there's the real issue. 1st baby, I retained my placenta but Dr pulled it out anyway causing my uterus to slightly invert, hurt LIKE HELL even with an epidural. I had extreme postpartum bleeding which they gave me a big bag of pitocin and saline to control.
2nd baby, i retained my placenta again. I as bleeding fast again. My midwife gave me methergine and I used nipple stimulation while she used light traction to get it to separate. She also injected pitocin into the cord which I have hear 2 different opinions about. One person said, it could have made my uterus clamp down and I would have had to transfer to get the placenta out, another person said it basically did nothing. I also got a shot of pit in my thigh. But I felt good after this birth! I didn't at all feel like I had lost alot of blood.
3rd baby- UC- I was bleeding alot. I was trying to wait for the placenta before I cut the cord but I knew I was bleeding too much, and I needed to work on getting that placenta out. I waited until the cord was flacid to cut it and then moved to the bathroom. Alex stimulated my nipples, I tried nursing but baby wasn't latching. The time in the tub flew by. I was starting to fade out. I knew I had pitocin in the fridge but I couldn't use it until the placenta was out so it was useless to me now. I was afraid to pull on the cord at all because I was afraid of another uterine inversion and I definitely wasn't inflicting that on myself. I did take some angelica but I can't even remember how much or how many times. I got to the point that I was ready to transfer. It wasn't until my hubby and my friend left me alone that I could really get my body working again. finally, an hour and 50 minutes later (bleeding heavily the whole time) I got my placenta out. once it was out, the bleeding got back to normal but I had already lost alot of blood and it affected me for almost 3 weeks. I couldn't stand up for more than a few seconds without feeling like I was going to pass out. that lasted for 2 and a half weeks. just moving from the bedroom to the living room was a problem for me.

so here's my inner debate on that.
1) maybe it was the fact that my husband and my friend were watching me that I couldn't get the placenta out.
2)maybe a midwife would have pulled too soon due to the fact that Iw as bleeding and I would have had a bigger problem than I did.
3)maybe if I had paid more attention to my previous births, I would have been more prepared instead of being in denial.
maybe this time I could make sure that I have "placenta out" and other herbal preps for that problem.

I don't know. I guess I am still debating. good thing I've got some time.

Mama's Milk

2010-02-15T14:11:00.000-08:00

So in the last 6 weeks, since I found out I was pregnant, my milk has been rapidly depleting. I have done teas, pumped, drank alot of water, eaten alot of garlic, stodd on my head and spun around (just kidding about the last one) to try to make my milk increase. Cyrus lost about 10 oz, which I guess could be from him getting more active and crawling and walking in the walker but it freaked me out enough to decide to supplement.

So I put out an SOS to the houston mamas that I know that are breastfeeding asking for donated milk. I truly believe that what goes around comes around and I must have done something nice for someone because I had 2 people answer my call out. I went and picked up 20 5oz bags of breastmilk from a wonderful woman in houston. I also had another woman who is deciding wether or not she can help and will get back to me. I will do just about anything to keep from having to give my son formula. I know that some people say, "why not?"

Well aside from the allergies that Lexi has, I just feel that there is alot of milk out there that women save and do not use, so why not ask for it. Breastmilk is best and I want to give my kids the best. Yes I only nursed Lexi for a year, and I may only really get to nurse Cyrus for a good year before my milk completely dries up but If I can supplement him at least until then and maybe a little afterwards, I will feel that I did what I could to offer the healthiest choices.

I am 12 wks from my LMP and I guess I feel 12 weeks pregnant but maybe I don't. I am always so afraid of finding out I am not as far along as I thought because I want every pregnancy to be over as soon as it starts. I am not the happiest most glowing pregnant woman out there. I am actually quite the opposite lol. But I feel great immediately postpartum and I make the cutest babies ever, so it's worth it.

Another one?

2010-02-12T13:08:00.001-08:00

Yes Yes. We are expecting another one. I ovulated twice in November (I am pretty sure) and oops! One more Yunker in the mix.

I have had a hard time connecting with this pregnancy but I am finally feeling the First trimester fog lift and so it is getting easier to get excited. I am excited about another baby, another birth, more breastfeeding, all the things I really love to do with my kids, but at the same time, I have a fear settling deep inside me.

Maybe I'm not woman enough to handle so many kids so close in age. I mean even just now I have found myself losing my temper because my 3 year old doesn't want to listen to me. Like.... at all. Can I handle all of the responsibility about to be put on me?

Yes I know I am capable! I know I am capable of practicing attachment practices, and breastfeeding, and cloth diapering and I know that I love my children and that I would do anything for them. I am just confused about when I am supposed to sleep so that I can recharge my body to have the energy to do all of those things.

Anyway, I don't want to sound like I am being negative, I am only trying to express my fears in a healthy manner.

I am going to try to blog throughout this pregnancy and stay up to date on it. at least every couple of days.

almost 8 months... man time flies!

2009-11-19T10:41:00.001-08:00

I can't believe that 7 and a half months ago, my little man was so new to our world. He is growing up to be such a handsome happy little boy! He is so smiley all the time and has so much personality. I love having a boy! he is so cuddly and such a little lovebug. If I am upset about anything, I just snuggle with him and the rest of the world just melts away. He is HUMONGOUS!!! He is already 24 pounds, from mama's milk only. We tried some sweet potatoes and he did not digest them well so I went back to exclusive breastmilk. I do give him cultured veggies occasionally. he really likes them.
oh he really likes paper too but we try to keep himfrom ingesting it, although, I am sure he's gotten a piece or two by us.

He abolutely loves his big sisters and they love him back with a fierceness! This boy never has to worry about not having enough love in his life, because there is an abundance for him in our house!!

He says mama, dada, and no! he is crawling backwards and goes backwords in his walker as well.

So lately, we've just been working, trying to get our house done, andenjoying our family. Just thought I would update this a little but don't have enough time for much more because the little man is calling me right now!!!

time passes so quickly

2009-04-22T12:22:00.000-07:00

I can't believe he is already 3 weeks old today.

Things have been going great! my girls love playing with their little brother and Alex is so thrilled to have a son. I wish he was able to spend more time at home, but he is working hard to support us and go to school. I know I say this all the time but I am just so lucky to have such an awesome husband.

Cyrus is nursing so heartily! He loves him some boobie! I know alot of breastfeeding moms don't like the term "boobie" but I love it! and since it is my boobs in discussion, I will call them whatever I want. I don't care if my 2 year old asks for some boobie. I think it's cute. Yes I plan on nursing till at least 2 years old. (gasp) I know that is shocking to some of you but get over it people! It's the best thing for him and since Lexi has so many food issues, I will nurse for as long as I can. (well I may not be as hardcore as some moms. I think it's a little surprising to see a 4 year old breastfeeding.)

He is getting so big already. We are going to do another weigh and measure tonite so I will update to let everyone know how big my little monster is.

Well I'm not going too many places lately. I am really trying to focus on homeschooling again now that I'm not overly pregnant and laboring on and off. It's also hard to wrangle lexi with a newborn in tow so I usually wait till Alex is home to go most places. If you wanna hang out, you are welcome to come to my place!

well I guess that's it for today. anyone with good info on ECing, send it my way. It's something I am considering.

Adjustments

2009-04-10T22:42:00.000-07:00

I know people always talk about how different their kids are. I am nothing new in that sense, but it has really impacted me to see just how different each of my kids are even from birth.

things have been going really well. Cyrus is so chilled out and peaceful. I really think it is because I spent alot of time meditating at the end of my pregnancy and throughout my labor.

Alex got an extra paid week off of work. I am so happy having him here every day. He has made my post partum time a dream! He takes care of all of us so well, he really shows his l;ove for all of us.

I know everyone thinks I am hiding in a hole right now, and I guess I kind of am, but I am really enjoying this hole right now so it may be awhile before everyone starts hearing from me again.

Babymooning Bliss

2009-04-06T13:30:00.000-07:00

So our little one is 5 days old now. I can't believe how fast this first week is going by. I have been exhausted so I am sorry to those of you who I haven't called. Anyway, I'll post a couple of pics of cyrus here and will catch up on blogging soon when things are a little more adjusted around here!

Happy April Fool's Day Baby!!!

2009-04-02T20:21:00.001-07:00

But this is not a joke. our new addition has finally arrived! So here is the whole story...

My water started leaking March 19th, the night before my due date. After about 5 days of a slow leak I felt like the baby either dropped down further and corked it or it sealed back up because the leaking stopped.

By Monday, march 3oth, morning I was finally feeling very emotional about being so far overdue. When I went to my midwife appt she tarted talking about induction because I was "getting up there in days and we needed to think about something if the baby didn't come."

I had contractions all day that day. At 5 I was sitting on the bed with Alex and I felt something bubbling all the way down from the top of my belly and I got a nice little gush. This time it was much more than the leak I had originally felt. I knew the break was high because I could feel it bubbling every time before I would get little gushes. My contractions died down around 2 AM Tuesday the 31st(for the 3rd time) but still kept coming occasionally. At 4 AM I had bloody show and alot of mucous. All through out the day I got irregular contractions and continued to have bloody show and mucous. I knew that my body was showing signs of working but at the end of being 11 days overdue, I was really feeling discouraged.

I went to bed at midnight April 1st. I woke up at 2 am and I thought I was peeing in my pants. I jumped out of bed and I couldn't stop it. That's when I realized that my membranes had officially ruptured. After that the contractions started coming about every 6-9 minutes. Alex was sleeping and I was rolling and lightly moaning in the bed all night. When I finally woke him up around 8 my contractions were definitely picking up to where I had to get on all 4s to get through them. I sent out my text message to all of my closest friends to light their candles for me around 9 or 10. I knew it was it. It was different than it had been the last few days.

The whole day I just moved from place to place throughout the house. My contractions were every 4-6 minutes by now and definitely uncomfortable but I was fine in between them. At about noon I decided to try to get some rest since I had basically been up all night. I laid down for an hour or so and then all of a sudden I got a big one that shot me up out of the bed.

I got up and decided I needed a distraction so I turned on my playlist on the computer. The song "better together" by jack johnson came on and all of a sudden I was crying. I didn't want my husband to know because I knew he would think I was crying because I was in pain but it was because the song made me think of how much I love him and I just couldn't hold the tears back but I knew I wasn't able to tell him that. A long explanation would have been impossible at that point so walked into the other room. I should have known I was starting transition. That was about the time I started needing counter pressure on my back and hips.
Thank the Gods for my husband's strength because I needed a great amount of pressure to relieve the pressure I was feeling down below. I called my friend who was my other support person and my friend to vidoetape to come over.

I am not really sure about time during this period because I was entering laborland without even knowing it. My senses really heightened and time and all my surroundings were beginning to slip away. I just tried to get through the contractions and sing in between them.

Every now and then Alex would ask me if he wanted me to set up the pool but I just kept putting him off because I wanted to save it for when I got to a point of needing something new. About 2 minutes after the last time he asked me, I suddenly decided that I needed the tub, "like urgently". He started filling up the tub and I got in. When the hot water ran out I told him to turn it off to let it heat up and we would fill it the rest of the way when I got closer to having the baby. I was still in denial of how close my body was telling me it was. I was actually starting to get scared for a few minutes because I wasn't sure if I could deal with the pressure when It would be time to push. I kept thinking I was probably about 5-6 cm dilated but I was really trying to not focus on numbers. We never got a chance to finish filling up the tub.

At some point my 2 friends had showed up but I was in another realm of reality and I have no idea how long they were there before I started pushing. Shortly after they got there I wanted to sit on the toilet. I remember them trying to dry offer me towels to dry off with and I just walked right past them naked and dripping. The cold air on my wet body felt so good. I sat on the toilet through a contraction. And then moved back to the pool. When I got back in I started pushing just a little bit to see how it felt. I could feel my cervix stretching and burning on the inside so I thought that a little bit of pressure wouldn't hurt to see how felt. That little push made my whole body curl like a cat. Alex, Angela, and Lisa all asked if the tape needed to be turned back on. I couldn't answer. I could only react to what my body felt.
After that, I jumped out of the pool again to get back on the toilet. I knew that if the rectal pressure was a need to empty my bowels that the toilet was where I needed to be. As soon as I sat down I could not hold back bearing down. I let out a sound that sounded like a bear. As soon as I could release, I jumped off and told them all that the baby was coming. I couldn't explain how I knew because I couldn't even think of an explanation. I just knew. I got back in the pool and got on one knee and had one knee raised. I stuck my finger in to see if I could feel the baby's head yet. I was so shocked that I barely had to reach in at all. The baby's head was just an inch away from crowning.

I started to push and growl. I felt closer to being earthly and animal like than I ever had. I felt the head crown. Alex reached his hand down to feel. It came out to the forehead and then stopped moving. Alex asked me if I wanted to lean back and I tried because I knew he wanted to cath the baby but when I moved the baby started moving!!! It totally freaked me out and was nearly unbearable so I just stayed in my position. My first instinct was to bear down harder but when I started to I felt like I was going to tear. So I verbally reminded myself to let my tissues stretch. To just let it sit there for a moment. I suddenly felt the ears slip out. I pushed a little harder and felt the chin slip out.

I couldn't hold back anymore. The pushing sensation overwhelmed me. I slowly felt the shoulders wiggle out one by one. One last push and Alex and I grabbed our baby together to bring to the surface. The baby coughed and breathed immediately and only made one little squack. I suctioned with the bulb syringe real quick. Lisa and angela both asked what it is. Alex checked.
"It's a BOY! I have a son!!" (we have 2 girls)
We called our daughters immediately.
We waited for the cord to stop pumping and then cut the cord. (We had a little issue with the cord ring and ended up cutting it off real quick and putting a cord clamp onto it)

I decided to let Alex take the baby to get him warmed up because he was getting very cold with wet towels on and I moved to the bathtub to push out the placenta. It didn't come. I tried nursing in the tub but he didn't want to latch on. I tried this for awhile but started losing alot of blood and felt like I needed to do something else. Alex even tried stimulating my nipples to get my uterus contracting but nothing was really happening. I started to feel lightheaded and told Alex to take the baby so he could be warm and with a parent. I told Angela to massage my uterus as hard as she could because I couldn't get the right kind of pressure. She did that for a little while. Nothing was really happening. I started to get lightheaded and started thinking about what would happen if I passed out. I was naked and bleeding. how could they get me anywhere without calling for help? So I decided that we needed to go up to the birthcenter where I work for help.

Angela and Alex started packing things up and getting ready for transport.
I turned on the water to try to rinse off so I could try to get out without being covered in blood. All of a sudden my body and mind started working together again. I knew I didn't want to go anywhere and I think my uterus knew that too because all of a sudden, I pushed out my placenta on my own.
Immediately my head started to clear. I had delivered our son at 3:20 pm. It was 4:55pm. The hour and a half had flown by me.
I turned on the cold water and tried to push out anything else left, slightly rinsed off just for quick transport to the other bathroom and MOVED!!!

I knew I had a limited amount of time on my feet but I didn't want to shower in the bathroom I had already bled all over. I turned on a cold shower, washed off, and moved to the bed and fast as I could. Somewhere in there I took a couple of doses of Angelica to help with the bleeding.

I had done it. I had birthed my child all by the clues my body gave. I birthed my placenta when I thought my body was failing me. I lost alot of blood and I didn't have to get pitocin or methergine. I did it and dealt with the something that I feared most (placental retention) and my baby and I were both healthy in the end.

We had a little trouble getting started with the nursing but he has caught on rapidly and loves the gushy gushy good stuff! Our family has been basking in the glow for the last 36 hours. We had our ultimate birth experience and We finally have a son!

Cyrus Phoenix Yunker
Born April1st, 2009
3:20 pm
8lbs 15oz
21.5 inches long
and quite the Zen Master...

11 days.. are we still in counting?

2009-03-31T14:03:00.000-07:00

Yes yes I believe we are. so my water finally broke broke yesterday around 5 pm. It started leaking the day before my due date and the last few days had seemed like it sealed bacck up. Then Yesterday while I was sitting on the bed I felt this really strange bubbling sensation and then felt like I peed my pants. The break is high because everytime it gushes, I can feel it bubbling from the top all the way down my stomach right before it comes out.

I had some serious contractions yesterday. I sent my kids off again because I was pretty sure this was it since my water had broken and my contractions were getting pretty strong. We sent our kids off again. I labored pretty hard. By 11 I had to go into the bedroom because the TV was just too much for my senses. I was very much having to focus through the contractions, and laid down and rested for a couple hours just trying to meditate through them. Then at some point, I guess someone hit the off button because I once again fell asleep and the contractions slowed down tremendously. Like my body just said, that's it for today.

I did still contract some throughout the night because I woke up to some of them and when I got up at 4, I had bloody show that I didn't before laying down. Then throughout the morning today I have lost my mucous plug, so even just the few I've had today have done something. I am just a lady in waiting right now. Thank god my husband is so patient. he has been amazing through all of this. Always reminding me that this birth is not about centimeters and percentages. I am lucky to have him by my side for this journey. I think alot of husbands would really be questioning the situation (god knows his brother and his mother are) and he just stands unfaltering that birth is a process and sometimes that process is long but it doesn't mean I am not capable.

I have tried so hard to be peaceful. I can still easily channel that peaceful feeling, but it is also so easy to feel almost like I am stir crazy. All of the logical answers make sense. I know them all. I am familiar with birth and everything that is happening makes sense... but man it is so easy to just let my emotions take over and I want to throw myself to the floor and pound it with my fists and cry and throw a big fat temper tantrum. But that won't really help anything either will it?

well, adieu for now. Hopefully a big update coming soon! (hopefully not like 9 or 10 pounds big tho)

fears

2009-03-29T18:00:00.000-07:00

I guess I am needing to write down some fears as I think that is why I am getting so anxious about going overdue. I think if I make a statement of what I am fearful about I can relax and let something happen or at least just stop worrying about it.

I am not in any way fearful of giving birth. I am not afraid of tearing or bleeding. I feel I am equipped to handle the normal things that people fear in birth.

It does not scare me to go overdue but I am afraid of giving in to the thought that maybe I might not get regular contractions, or maybe it might be a longer labor than I imagined. I had such a short labor with lexi but after Wednesday, when I was so sure I was going to enter the hard labor phase any minute, It makes me realize that I could very well labor for several hours. With Lexi's birth, I was already further dilated several weeks before where I am now.

I am afraid that if I go see the midwife tomorrow and let her check me, she will try to strip my membranes. I would decline my pelvic but part of me is even afraid of me wanting her to! When I look at it logically, I know it is not a risk I want to take but when I think about just wanting to have this baby ASAP it seems like it's not as big of a deal as induction. I will probably just see if I can put my appt off until Wednesday and hopefully it will happen all on it's own before then.

I guess this is where I have to just accept that I could be pregnant a few days more and let go of my fears. I love giving birth, and I love testing my faith in my own body. I know that even if I have a long labor that I will be able to move through it and deliver a beautiful baby. I know that it will make me a stronger person. I know I will learn more about myself during the process.

maybe its an elephant in there

2009-03-29T13:33:00.000-07:00

Another day..... I don't really even know what to say at this point. we are waiting just like everyone else.

41 weeks and 1 day

2009-03-28T09:53:00.000-07:00

Yup. that's not a typo. I am officially goint into my 2nd week of being overdue. The mornings are the hardest. I guess by the end of the day I am just used to being pregnant like I have been any other day but in the morning, when I wake up, I feel a little let down that I haven't started doing anything. well, I will be going out again today to get active and hopefully something will happen. You know I joked through my whole pregnancy that I was going to have an april fools day baby. It might actually happen that way.

Be careful what you wish for people.... you just might get it!!

still in waiting

2009-03-27T11:16:00.000-07:00

My affirmations keep me sane. I pretty much slept all day yesterday recovering from the day before and started my day off today with a long nap well into the early afternoon. My body is definitely showing signs that something will happen soon, I just don't know when. I am still okay with going overdue, it can just be a little depressing because I so thought I would have a baby in my arms by now. I am so looking forward to my journey and to birthing this little being that it is so hard to wait. I am shocked I am this far overdue. I never thought I would go this long. But that's okay. I am holding it together and hopefully now that I have rested, my labor will surprise me soon. at least I have psyched everyone out the last couple of days so everyone has pretty much quit calling to ask about "my progress" what ever the hell that means.

patience is a virtue

2009-03-26T08:27:00.000-07:00

So yesterday really seemed like it would be the big day for the big move. I started having much more intense contractions at about 2pm and they continuted throughout the afternoon and evening. By 9pm I was really feeling like I was definitely going to be having a baby that nite or early in the morning, although I knew I still had a ways to go. We watched a movie and by the end of the movie, I was hardly even paying attention to it anymore. My "rushes" were 3-5 minutes apart and lasting nearly 2 minutes and were getting to be very intense.

By midnight I felt like I needed some rest since I had been up since 5 AM that morning. I knew that if I stayed up walking around it would stay consistent but I also knew that I would be exhausted. Even upon laying down, the rushes still came for another 2 hours or so. Then the next thing I knew, I was waking up at 5 am to pee and really didn't feel any at all. SERIOUSLY????? I know alot of women go through this but my last labor was 4 hours from start to finish. It's not like this is my first rodeo. I understand what is happening inside my body. I am still at peace with being overdue, I am just starting to worry about what we will do with our kids when the real time comes. They have been away from home for 2 days because I have been laboring on and off for 2 days. I have to pick them up today and I guess just wait until it's close to the big ball drop. how do you plan for the unplannable??

well here we are at day 6 of being overdue. can't be too much longer right??

Earth Birth Mom

2009-03-25T13:40:00.000-07:00

I changed my email to this just recently. It is very interesting to me that I chose this particular name at that time because in my recent soul searching and studies, I have realized something interesting about myself.

I have always considered myself very earthy and granolaish. I was called a hippy in high school like it was a bad thing and loved it. So I chose my earthy moniker I felt like it suited me well. I'm earthy, I am a birthing being and love being surrounded by it, and I'm a mom. Turns out I'm not as earthy as I thought.

I have been getting connected with the elements and how they are associated with birth. What I realized, is that I felt much more connected to the other 3 elements and how I associated the parts of my personality with each one was alot easier to understand.

Now how did I connect to earth? It was hard for me to think of that. So I have recently really thinking about Earth and how I am connected to it and what that means. Here is what I've decided.

Earth is the most important element of the 4. It holds all the others. Water is found underground or in oceans and lakes. Fire would not burn outside our atmosphere. The air is all around us everywhere on Earth. On top of all of that, it gives us soil to grow trees and food to nourish the ecosystems we all live in. That is where I come to my point.

Life. I live life, I give life, I am life. The earth gives me the capacity to live and birth and die. That is how I am connected with the earth.

no guilt here

2009-03-25T05:54:00.001-07:00

Thought things were happening last night.. love was flowing, zen surrounded us, and the rushing was taking over.

Upon constantly being bothered by in laws, everything stopped.
When we asked to not be bothered, guilt trips were dropped.

I am publicly stating here that I have no guilt and when my body starts going back to work, all phones will be turned off.

You can be held back in birth by unwanted visitors, including phone calls.

what peace will do

2009-03-24T12:31:00.001-07:00

I know I already blogged today but I feel the need to blog again. I feel like I am a different person today. I have been saying my affirmations and I have not lost my temper once. Even when Lexi was really testing me this morning. I have not once felt like the miserably pregnant woman I was yesterday morning. I just feel like I am so lucky to be alive and to have the family that I have. My girls are amazing, my husband loves me and supports me, we have a roof over our head and good healthy food to eat in our kitchen. I didn't finish the laundry but I will get to it sometime. I may just make another trip to the laundry mat like I did a couple months ago. I don't really care if it's done before the baby gets here. I will always be able to do laundry but this is probably the last time I will be pregnant.

The affirmation I came up with- I will revel in my roundness- has really helped me enjoy my pregnant body today. I am an extraordinary machine. I am life! I can do something that some women are not blessed with the ability to do and I am so thankful for that miracle. I have gone through my pregnancies really taking them for granted. I give thanks to all the Goddess spirits that are on this journey with me. They support and protect me and I am confident that my passage through this birth will be amazing.

Refreshing

2009-03-24T08:13:00.000-07:00

So I slept like a log last night. I woke this morning feeling like it is a new day and I have a ton of Goddess Power. I have let go of my anger and insecurity and I have chosen to enjoy what is left of this pregnancy no matter how long it may go. I feel like a big ball of love and I think that my baby can sense that.

My Daily affirmations
1. I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now
2. I will not harbor anger towards anything or anyone
3. I will revel in my roundness
4.My baby is healthy
5. My body knows what to do

I will say them each every day until my little one comes.

releasing.....

2009-03-23T22:50:00.000-07:00

So I've been taking a course called "She Births." I am getting certified to become a workshop facilitator for pregnant women. It just so happens that I have been pregnant while doing my coursework so it has really spiritually and psychologically prepared me to birth this baby.

One chapter in the book is about reconciling broken or wounded relationships so that you don't have that negative energy hovering over your birth. For some people, that may mean making ammends or for other it could just confronting the problem and letting go of the bad vibes.

I have a very topsy turvy relationship with my own mother in my life and I think that has really affected me throughout all of my pregnancies because of the obvious connection in motherhood, pregnancy, and birth.

Well tonite, I have decided to let the anger that I harbor be released. I do hope that in the future our relationship can be mended because we have experienced great times together throughout my life but right now, I just have to focus on myself, this baby, and my family.

I have let those feelings go. It was hard but I have agreed to not let it affect where I am right now.

Because I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now and I will not let anything dampen my enthusiasm that surrounds this birth.

I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now

2009-03-23T07:12:00.000-07:00

right?? I am trying to keep peace, and zen in my life. I am not physically miserable (close but not quite) but I just really thought something would be happening by now. I think more than anything, I am just really exhausted. I just want to lay around and sleep but I have so much to do. I am also sick of leaking fluids. I kept thinking I would have this baby on a tuesday so manybe tomorrow is my day. I just can't imagine going until next tuesday!!! But anything is possible. I just so badly want to nurse my baby. (I don't know who this is underlined but I can't figure out how to turn it off. So if you are reading this, just ignore it) well I plan on getting some housework and cooking out of the way today so maybe once I get all of that done, I can rest and relax and maybe m body will start doing it's work. If nothing else I can at least take a nap!!!

one advantage to going overdue

2009-03-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

so it's 2 days past and I am okay. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out but other times I am very much at peace.

One advantage- my hubby woke me up with breakfast in bed. It was great! I woke up, ate, and rolled over and went back to sleep for a little while.

we are going to the arboretum today to see if maybe some hiking will make my body get to work. If nothing else, at least I will get some of this beautiful, new spring air in my body.

I guess due dates come and go

2009-03-20T12:01:00.000-07:00

So today is my due date. am I surprised? no. I was pretty sure this day would be like any other. My body is definitely starting to do work, but I just don't think we will see this baby on the first day of spring. Although it would have been a lovely day to say we had our baby on. I am so ready to retire my maternity wardrobe. I am so excited to unpack my old clothes and get some new ones. I know I can't be pregnant forever... my special day is coming soon

weeks

2009-03-19T22:56:00.000-07:00

okay another quick comment...

how can pregnancy slip by us so fast until the last few weeks and then it seems like an eternity. I feel like this week was just super long. Like as long as 2 or 3 weeks.

grrrr

My sacred Birth Nest

2009-03-19T22:43:00.001-07:00

So here I am, one day shy of my duedate. I am more okay with going overdue now that I am here than I was a week ago.

After working on my "She Births" coursework, I have decided that I am going to set up a birthing nest.
I bought a birthing pool today and blew it up. I am not sure if I will want to waterbirth during labor but if I don't, I may just make the pool super comfy and have the baby in there anyway to contain any messes. Then I can just take a leboyer bath afterwards.
I am going to black out my big window in there because I want darkness during labor. I want to be lit by candles and have no light from outside. With my last birth I just assumed I would deliver at night, during the dark and sure enough, I didn't. 9:30 AM with the bright morning sun cheering us on!! This time I am creating my own darkness in the event that I am a daytime birther. I also have a tapestry that I plan to hang up. I will line the room with candles to light as I choose.

My water has been slowly leaking all day. This could only mean that I have a leaky bag of waters until the baby comes whenever it's good and ready or it could mean that something could happen any minute. Wouldn't it be funny if I actually did go on my Due date? Something tells me this baby is going to come to us on Tuesday. That would make it an Aries baby.

I guess we will just have to keep up the waiting game. but seriously, the next person that calls to ask me if I have had the baby yet, may just get an earful. And no I don't want to go to births at the birthcenter right now and no I don't want to babysit anyone's kids. I want to have solitude. I need some ME time before our little one joins us.

I wish I had a personal cook to cook all the meals until the baby came. That would be the most wonderful thing ever! (aside from a gentle birth)

Just a little rant

2009-03-16T16:32:00.000-07:00

So I come across this website for pregnancy massage and Doula care in my area. The way they described their services... "We help to relieve the traumatic physical effects of pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum regrouping." Why in the world would a Doula put the word traumatic in front of pregnancy and birth???? It is only solidifying our society's belief that pregnancy and birth are to be feared! I realize that there are women that have traumatic experiences but what about the women who don't? Why are we not to be helped by pregnancy and postpartum massage? ugh! Well I can honestly say I won't be signing up for her massage. I definitely do not want someone with that view on preg and birth to be touching me before I have my baby!!!!!!!

keeping the peace

2009-03-16T09:24:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was kind of a hard day for me. I had contractions on and off all day. It was very tiring and I just felt, i guess more emotionally drained than physically drained. This is the homestretch. The part just before you reach the last leg of the race which is no doubt the hardest part. I made all these plans for this week when I really just want to be reclusive. At the same time though, I don't want to sit around and obsess about the fact that I don't have my little one in my arms yet. Every feeling I have is so contradictory to another. I am not only excited to have a new addition to our family but I so much am ready for my husband's 2 week vacation he is taking off. I want to wake up every morning to his face and feel his warmth against me before we roll out of bed. I hate that he is up and out the door before I am even concious to the world. He works hard for our family, he works hard for me to be able to be home with our girls. I do still have to work but I am able to off hours so I can homeschool during the day. I am hoping this babe comes soon but I am prepared to wait if that's waht is in the cards for me. I definately want a fully cooked baby. (Although right now would be fully cooked enough if you ask me.)

these last few

2009-03-13T20:55:00.000-07:00

My 1st baby just turned 7 yesterday. 7!!!!! That means I have been on this journey of motherhood for almost 8 years! And yet I feel so young. I mean I am so young! I made gluten free cupcakes tonite for her little party tomorrow. My first attempt came out pretty good. Well I guess we will see after icing them!

I got 2 new wool diaper covers, an ecobunz all in one, and 4 new huggabuns this week. I can't wait to use these diapers!! I plan on doing one last load of diaper washing to get ready (I've done this twice already but I will do it one more time to make sure they aren't stale and to wash the new ones.) I will also lanolize the wool covers.

When I came home today, Alex had cleaned our whole house so now all I have to do is laundry. I almost cried when I walked in the door because I had been dreading doing it in my WAY pregnant state. He even did it with an injured back which shows true love if I've ever seen it.

I am trying to keep myself busy all week so I don't sit around thinking about when I will go into labor (although I have had several contractions this evening... doubt it's labor but at least its something).

Tomorrow we are going to the kids museum grand reopening with some other fams for sky's little celebration, tomorrow nite we are having a soup swap party,
Sunday we will go to another kids Bday party
Monday I am going to a play date for kids with food allergies,
Tuesday I babysit
Wednesday is the houston baby wearers of the woodlands meet
Thursday I babysit
Friday I have a silly midwife appt (which I don't really even know what I am going for but whatever) (also this is my due date)
and then Saturday and sunday I am doing absolutely jack shit! If I have not had this baby, I will do nothing but relax and take hot baths and get my hubby to give me reflexology treatments and massages until we get to meet our little one.

A lady in the grocery said I was having a boy today. She had a psychic look about her. I guess we will just have to wait and see...............

The Final Cleanse

2009-03-07T14:34:00.000-08:00

So Today is the day. (No I am not in labor) But today is the day I am going through and cleaning my house one last time from top to bottom. I will reorganize all of my baby stuff one last time and make sure everything is clean before he or she arrives. I will set up my birth supplies and make sure that all I have to do over the net couple of weeks is just light cleaning. I have about 2 weeks left (hopefully not much longer than that) and I don't want to do anything other than play with my girls, rest, and make my cloth wipies. I hope I can at least get together with some friends once or twice before then but who knows if I can actually manage everything. I also want to try and work on my Facilitator Training stuff as much as I can before the baby comes. I want to make birth art. I still need to write thank you notes too! I wonder when I will feel like I've done everything I need to so I can let my body work........

fellow UCers

2009-03-06T14:35:00.000-08:00

I got to hang out with some other women who have birthed unassisted today. I have met one other woman who wants to but is not due till next month. It was really nice to talk to other women face to face about their experiences. I finally felt like I was one of a group rather than one of a kind. It was definitely refreshing to not be the oddball. It felt so normal and natural to be talking about it rather than everyone else sitting around saying "wow you're brave" or "I could never do that". Sometimes I want to say to those same people "well you are brave to trust the life of your child to some person you know nothing about". I am so excited for this birth! I feel so empowered as I prepare myself. I am loving my pregnant body right now. My husband loves my pregnant body right now. Aside from the aches and pains and the occasional nerve shocks here and there, I just feel so womanly and beautiful. I have this life inside me that has grown from the size of a single cell. It is so gratifying to think that I am a creator.

I guess our little babe has dropped down further into my pelvis because my appetite has picked up immensely in the last 2 days and I can suddenly breathe easier. At lunch today I ate more than I normally eat when I am not pregnant and didn't even feel like my stomach hurt. I probably could have fit a dessert in there if I had wanted to lol.

I wonder when the time will come. I keep telling people I want to spend time with them before the baby comes but there may not be enough days on the calendar......

is it really almost time?

2009-03-05T10:22:00.000-08:00

some parts of me feel like theres not enough hours in the day to do everything I need to do and still have time to lay around and be big and pregnant. All I have left to buy is a breastpump and a couple more bottles and we are good to go. I still need to set up a little area to birth in if I feel like squatting on the floor or something while I deliver and set up all my supplies and that's it. I had a few contractions last night but nothing that said "oh this might be it!" I fully expected to be experiencing more "uterobics" by now but not much of anything which makes me think I could go overdue. I know that some women say that when they have more babies, their labors become more efficient and have less contractions with more work. Maybe I will be one of those lucky ones. who knows though, I could be one of the 3rd time mommies who's 3rd labor is longer than their first 2 combined. I sure hope not but I guess I am game for whatever. I am prepared for a long labor if that is what I get. I really can't wait. I have been preparing myself emotionally and spiritually for this as well as trying to stay active even though I want nothing more than to lay around and be lazy and not chase kids BUT this is my life and I'm glad I have it. Even when I want to pull my hair out.

my little ones are still little

2009-03-03T19:18:00.000-08:00

I guess in the every day hustle and bustle of life, I lose sight of the real ages of my children. They seem so advanced that I forget the sky is only about to be 7 and lexi is still 2 and still wears diapers and uses a bink to go to bed. I cuddled in bed with Lexi for about 15 minutes before they went to bed and I just remember so much of her birth. It is all still so fresh in my mind. It is a little more foggy with Sky's birth due to the drugs and the chaos. I have been focusing so much on birth and spirituality these last few days. I am so ready to have this baby physically but my mind is still working out some kinks.

With both of my last pregnancies I thought every little twinge was a possible start of labor. This time it doesn't even cross my mind. I guess it will jump out at me when the time comes. Who knows when that will be.

I really hope this birth is all that I am hoping. I hope Alex and I both get what we want out of it and healthy baby to go along with it.

my preparation

2009-03-03T08:03:00.000-08:00

I feel a spirit wiggling around inside me getting ready to enter our world. I feel like I have so many things to do and not enough time to do it. I am nesting like crazy and preparing my own spirituality for the journey ahead of me. This is my first blog so I have alot to learn about the blogger world. I am excited to share my experience with my friends/loved ones. Now if I could just learn how to use my camera and post some pics....... like I said.. Too much to do!