Mama's Milk

So in the last 6 weeks, since I found out I was pregnant, my milk has been rapidly depleting. I have done teas, pumped, drank alot of water, eaten alot of garlic, stodd on my head and spun around (just kidding about the last one) to try to make my milk increase. Cyrus lost about 10 oz, which I guess could be from him getting more active and crawling and walking in the walker but it freaked me out enough to decide to supplement.

So I put out an SOS to the houston mamas that I know that are breastfeeding asking for donated milk. I truly believe that what goes around comes around and I must have done something nice for someone because I had 2 people answer my call out. I went and picked up 20 5oz bags of breastmilk from a wonderful woman in houston. I also had another woman who is deciding wether or not she can help and will get back to me. I will do just about anything to keep from having to give my son formula. I know that some people say, "why not?"

Well aside from the allergies that Lexi has, I just feel that there is alot of milk out there that women save and do not use, so why not ask for it. Breastmilk is best and I want to give my kids the best. Yes I only nursed Lexi for a year, and I may only really get to nurse Cyrus for a good year before my milk completely dries up but If I can supplement him at least until then and maybe a little afterwards, I will feel that I did what I could to offer the healthiest choices.

I am 12 wks from my LMP and I guess I feel 12 weeks pregnant but maybe I don't. I am always so afraid of finding out I am not as far along as I thought because I want every pregnancy to be over as soon as it starts. I am not the happiest most glowing pregnant woman out there. I am actually quite the opposite lol. But I feel great immediately postpartum and I make the cutest babies ever, so it's worth it.

Another one?

Yes Yes. We are expecting another one. I ovulated twice in November (I am pretty sure) and oops! One more Yunker in the mix.

I have had a hard time connecting with this pregnancy but I am finally feeling the First trimester fog lift and so it is getting easier to get excited. I am excited about another baby, another birth, more breastfeeding, all the things I really love to do with my kids, but at the same time, I have a fear settling deep inside me.

Maybe I'm not woman enough to handle so many kids so close in age. I mean even just now I have found myself losing my temper because my 3 year old doesn't want to listen to me. Like.... at all. Can I handle all of the responsibility about to be put on me?

Yes I know I am capable! I know I am capable of practicing attachment practices, and breastfeeding, and cloth diapering and I know that I love my children and that I would do anything for them. I am just confused about when I am supposed to sleep so that I can recharge my body to have the energy to do all of those things.

Anyway, I don't want to sound like I am being negative, I am only trying to express my fears in a healthy manner.

I am going to try to blog throughout this pregnancy and stay up to date on it. at least every couple of days.