Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Waiting Game 40 weeks 3 days

I feel a sense of many different emotions right now. I of course feel the excitement that naturally comes with a new baby, but I feel many others along with that. It's a strange dynamic that the end of pregnancy causes in my brain. I am easily aggravated. I feel like the littlest thing can set me off. Which in turn causes a feeling of anxiety, partly because I ultimately don't know what's going to happen after this baby comes (or during this baby's entry into our world) but also because I don't know what my boiling point is. I sometimes feel like maybe my pot might boil over and I might just completely freak out on the person nearest to me (which is sadly, usually my husband), and I even find myself truly having to verbally remind myself not to freak out on the kids in the middle of their screaming rampages against eachother, that could usually be avoided if they all weren't trying to boss each other around and take things from eachother, but I guess this is something we all learn in time and I can't expect them to completely grasp it when I am still learning to come to terms with that myself (the bossing part- I'm not one to take things from people).

The end of a pregnancy can be really hard. It's always hard for me. I want to just take that next step. I want to feel normal. I want to not be pregant anymore. and MY GOD there is so much pressure! Everyone wants to know when the baby is coming as if I have some sort of psychic ability to know when it will happen. Really? I mean if I really knew when this baby was going to come I wouldn't have been giving people a 2-3 wk range of possible arrival dates. I wouldn't be sitting here feeling like it's never going to happen. when people call to ask "are you still pregnant?" or "haven't you had that baby yet?" I seriously contemplate just hanging up for a second. I mean seriously, if I haven't called to say "hey it's a boy/or it's a girl" then there is a pretty good chance I haven't had the baby yet. and believe me, I am more anxious for this to be done than you are!

Usually when days go by for most pregnant women, they feel one day closer to having their baby, but I really just feel one day further away. I am definitely not myself right now. I don't think the people around me truly understand that. I can completely understand why induction seems like "the answer" for alot of women, because it sucks to be this freakin pregnant!!! If I wasn't completely educated about how bad inductions can be, I would probably have done it again and again because I am not one to enjoy being pregnant.

BUT the truth is, I am educated about those risks and I made the educated choice to have another natural, unmedicated home birth. Along with these choices comes the responsibility of waiting until my body and this baby are truly ready. And I know that when the time does come, it will be the right time and that all these feelings I am experiencing now will melt away when I see my baby for the first time. I know and I do trust, even beyond my fears, that my body is completely capable of birthing this baby the way that it should without high technology and augmentation. I know it will be soon and it will be perfect, I just hate waiting for the perfect stuff!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Sometimes Less is more

okay so I found something that really irks me. I feel a rant coming on.

I LOVE Facebook. I think its so great to keep in touch with people and keep up with their lives. I have made alot of "friends" on there through my interests and I am so thankful for that because there are some really wonderful ladies that are so wise.

But I also HATE Facebook because sometimes I read things that is such CRAP and so many people lending BS advice to people they don't even know!!!

The big one for me right now is breastfeeding. I love the fact that there is so much support for breastfeeding moms on there, but I also hate when I am reading advice telling women to go to such extremes to increase their milk when they may not truly have a problem.

I have recently seen one person post suggesting the use of Domperidone. Like really pushing the issue and telling women that it is the best option to increase their milk supply when it is low without even posting anything about any risks. Domperidone was actually first prescribed as an anti-emetic drug (for nausea and vomiting) and was found to increase the levels of prolactin therefore causing lactation. In 2004 the FDA sent letters to pharmacies warning them of the dangers of "offlabel use" including cardiac arrest and arrythmia and said that all offlabel prescriptions should be seized.
Now, that said, I do know women who have used it to breastfeed their adopted babies- ok, am not judging, but I think it would be just as well to use donor milk and a SNS system but whatever. I have also known women who truly could not make milk that have used it and it worked for them- again I am not judging. BUT for someone to use it when they absolutely DO make milk just because their supply is low and then suggesting it to other moms saying "theres no risk" is just flat out uneducated and ridiculous. Why would you go to such extreme before trying things less aggressive?

I also see so many mom's advising new moms to pump their breasts to see how much milk they are getting and to pump for 20 minutes after baby eats and so on and so forth. I am so thankful pumps are available. I wouldn't have been able to nurse my 2nd daughter without one because I had to go back to school at 3 weeks postpartum or lose all my student loans. BUT there is risk with pumps too! For new moms breastfeeding can be hard and tiresome and even painful. Using a pump puts alot of "wear and tear" on your breasts and for someone who is dealing with soreness, a pump is not going to help!!!! Part of the problem that new mom's have is relaxing enough to let their milk let down, when you add sore nipples to the equation, how are they supposed to relax?? To me, it just seems like adding insult to injury and making the problem worse. Why is it so important to know how many ounces our babies are getting? One mom may have the same nutritional value in 2 oz that another mom may get in 6 oz!!! You really can't gage "how much milk" you are getting by using a pump because they don't empty your breast the way a baby does, so I really feel like it can either cause false security, or unneeded uproar in a household, therefore causing more stress and feelings of inadequecy, which spirals down to cause MORE LOW MILK ISSUES!!!!
Besides that, it is stressful to schedule pumping sessions in between nursing. How are you supposed to nurse your baby, change diapers, pump for 20 minutes, nurse your baby, pump for 20 minutes, possibly be taking care of other children, nurse, pump, change....... and still have time to eat and keep yourself hydrated and not get stressed out? Don't any of these moms make the connection between stress and milk supply??? add to that sore nipples, and HELL!! I WOULD QUIT TOO!!!

I also see alot of women say that "you NEED to take fenugreek". Why? Why do you need to take fenugreek as a first option? yes Fenugreek is safe but it is adding something else to worry about. Also, what alot of women don't know or don't tell, is that using herbal remedies takes time. You don't just take one dose and VOILA! You make tons o' milk! It just doesn't work that way, so I have seen some moms take the herbs and then go "well I guess this isn't working either.. I guess I just can't make milk" I think there is a time and place for all medications including herbs. Nothing goes without warning or repercussion.

Want my advice?? well I could care less if you WANT it or not, if you chose to read this blog, you are getting it.

Before advising or resorting to such measures listed above, start with caring for yourself!! There is alot to say about the connection of self care, nutrition values in your diet, and DRINKING ENOUGH WATER!!!! and when I say that, I don't mean taking in enough fluid because fluid could be anything from coffee to soda,liquor or whatever. Unfortunately, the way that "special drinks" are so marketed and consumed, alot of people are unaware that it really does put more stress on our bodies to process these caffeinated and sugary drinks which gives our body something else to focus on rather than focusing on making milk.

Start with making sure you are getting enough calories. If you don't take in enough calories, you will not make milk. I believe that when you are dealing with a milk supply issue, you need to be taking in anywhere from 2800- 3100 calories per day, depending on what your normal caloric intake is. stop worrying about losing the baby weight. It will come off eventually, right now it is more important to nourish your baby than to lose weight. SO GET OVER IT!!!
You can also add foods to your diet that increase milk, like Garlic and oats. You can google "Galactagogue Foods" and find out which foods will naturally help increase your milk.

Back to the water- DRINK MORE WATER!!! To maintain your current health status, you need to be taking in at least half of your body weight in ounces of water- for example: if you weigh 150 pounds, you should be getting 75 oz a day of water. FOR NON BREASTFEEDING PEOPLE> when you are nursing, you need more than that. So if you aren't even getting what your body requires daily function at an optimal level, you definitely aren't getting enough to make more milk. Find ways that you will drink more. I got a huge thermal cup that I keep ice cold water in and I try to drink 2-3 of those a day. I don't like room temp water and I won't drink enough if I don't have ice. It may irritate my hubby to have to make midnight runs to the gas station for a bag of ice, but if it helps me drink more, then he will do it for me because he knows how important it is.

MOST IMPORTANT!!! NURSE ON DEMAND!!! throw schedules out the window. Let the house go to hell in a handbasket if you have to. If your baby wants to nurse, then sit down and feed that baby! You make milk on what is demanded by your breasts and baby. If you supplement with formula, that takes the demand off your body and you will be in the same situation you were in to start with. It should only take about 24 hours for your body to catch up with your baby. It takes afew months to really get to a regulated point because your baby is rapidly growing those first 3 months, therefore creating more and more demand with every day that passes. It may seem like your baby wants to nurse every 45 minutes, and they probably do sometimes. So what, that's what you are there for. Just because you are not pregnant anymore, does not necessarily mean that you "get your body back" right away. Let that notion go or you will be irritated and disappointed

Nurture yourself when you can. Get lots of sleep with your baby, take hot baths when you can and relax, call on friends and family to help around the house and with meals, I promise, If you ask- they will come, because what you didn't know is that they are all secretly waiting for you to call so they can feel useful and helpful to you. People actually need to be needed and will usually do SOMETHING to help with much love and gratification.

Now, with all that said- I do believe there are times for more agressive measures such as pumping and herbs and even domperidone, BUT WHY START WITH THAT??? It doesn't have to be that hard all the time! Our bodies were made to do this, and yes sometimes our bodies fail, but usually they don't! we are a master design and truly incredible beings. Take a step back and relax, it's not as confusing as you think! There are Lactation consultants out there to help you if you really have a problem. Listen to them when you have a problem- because alot of women have truly made themselves suffer in their own quest to increase their milk in so many unneccessary ways and I hate to see other women do the same upon "advice".

Sometimes less is more!!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

I got the...... baby waiting bluuuueesss!

Time is slipping away from me. So many things to do. I am spending my days getting more and more impatient with the world around me. I try to be happy and upbeat and ummm.... that other word... on the tip of my tongue...oh yeah! positive... that's the one. It's hard sometimes. I don't want to go anywhere, but my kids want to go everywhere. I do want to spend time with friends and family before this bebe gets here but gosh I just know so many people (yeah I'm the popular chick now lol) but it is so hard to make it all happen and coordinate schedules, because the reality of it is... if you have kids, and goals you wish to accomplish.... it's hard to get everything done and still have time for a social life.

I've got roughly 6 weeks left before I am due. I started from the beginning of this pregnancy saying that my due date was 2 weeks later than it is so that I would be mentally prepared to go overdue. Yeah that flew out the window as soon as the heat from the summer set in. Yeah this heat. it's like living inside an oven all the time. I'm so over being pregnant in the summer. It truly is a cruel torture that we summer mamas endure. so now here I am 6 weeks away from my REAL due date feeling as if I might cry if I go too far past that. Exactly what I wanted to avoid. It makes me so thankful for my other spring babies, and also makes me feel like an idiot complaining about the temperature with the other pregnancies, because nothing compares to this july-august crap!! Oh Father Sun! please go the EFF away!!! Find a nice comfy spot, go to sleep and come back to visit us when I am not 3 times the size I normally am. Yes I am bitching, but it's my blog so screw it I can say anything I want.

I am hoping to be able to arrange some sort of blessing ritual again with this pregnancy, but the calendar has more and more X's on it every time I look at it.

I am looking forward to giving birth, catching my own baby, seeing his or her face for the first time, feeling to see if we have a daughter or son, breastfeeding a wee one, and putting my slings and carriers back to work... The cloth diapering... yes I enjoy it, I am truly passionate about it, but HOLY GEEZ I change so many poo poo diapers already, I don't see where I will have time for anything else!!! I am actually trying out some new cloth diapers right now from Daddys Diaper Service. I am in the beginning phases of finding out what works best for us, so no review yet.

Today was a very lazy day. I took a 3 hour nap today since my hubby was home to take care of me (my back is in serious condition right now). I am lucky to have him. Even when he makes me nuts. It truly is a contest between him and the kids right now to see who can make me pull out more hair.

I am just so ready to be myself again. I have been pregnant for so long (like seriously almost 2 years) and I really lose sight of who I am during this hormonal time. I am normally a pretty tough chick and can handle most situations with elegance and grace... LOL who I am kidding. It's more like I can handle most situations with attitude and a little bit of force, but right now I am like a damsel in distress ALL THE TIME which is so not like me as most of you know!!!

Sometimes ladies, the thing that most people don't tell you is.. that even though pregnancy is an amazing time in our lives and we experience the most incredible feelings and changes in our bodies, sometimes it can be a bit depressing here at the end. It's like You are so close- but so far away. The conflictions about wanting your baby here, and wanting to stay pregnant are so great sometimes, that you make no sense from one sentence to the next. I think I can consider myself a veteran at this point, and I truly love pregnancy and childbirth and all the Earthy Birthy things that go with them, but to be TOTALLY honest- right now I would kill for an Ice cold Margarita or 4!!!! haha- that won't be an option for me even once I am not pregnant.... at least not for awhile... but hey! a girl can dream!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

what day is this??

Oh I think it's sunday. I can tell by the weekend mess around the house.

How many weeks pregnant am I? 30 or 31 or something like that. I don't know the time passes so quickly and I am so busy with the other kiddos, I just don't have much time to focus on it. When I notice this baby wiggling around, it is a nice moment. I feel like I want to talk to him or her, cuddle, and I do feel a sense of "aww I want my baby!" but usually I'm like "hey! don't think about comin early or you won't have a name!" The summer is getting hotter making it so hard to get through each day. My kids wear jackets around the house right now. I am so looking forward to the winter months. Even some fall weather would be nice. But who am I kidding. It is almost july right?

I have been doing pretty well with keeping up my other commitments. UCHOUSTON is going to have our first meeting in almost a year next week, I am taking on a low cost/free client and hoping to open up the truth about birth for her, and we have been doing at least one water activity every week. My tan is lookin pretty good these days, as long as you don't look at my legs. my belly blocks the sun from those. But from the chest up I look like a bronzed babe! I am also committing to finishing up all of my coursework for "She Births". I have decided to step back from Facebook until this is finished. I spend so much time looking at the Links people post and chatting and answering updates and stuff, I could be spending that time doing my internet research and putting together my resource list. I have to read "Women of a Thousand Generations" again and compare it to a mainstream book which I will have to read again as well because I haven't read a crappy mainstream pregnancy book in.... well over 8 years!! So I have quite the work lined up for me over these next couple months. I decided that I am officially a Facebook addict and that needs to change because there is serious word to spread out there, and even though its a great place to share information, there is more I need to be doing.

I learned to crochet as well! (like I don't have enough crap to be doing). I needed something to escape to sometimes. to destress with. I also want to make things for this baby because I don't want to pay for a wool coccoon or wool longies and shorties (and skirties if this is a girl). There are also so many things I can make for people, and yes it takes time, but it's enjoyable time and it will save bookoo bucks! I am still mastering the technique, and actually only know how to single crochet right now, but I will learn more once I get really good at that. I am also looking forward to teaching Skylar how. She did really well at knitting so I think she will pick it right up. My great grandmother was a crocheting wizard and I never was interested in learning while she was alive. I so wish I had, it would have been so much easier when I was a kid than it is now.

This upcoming birth seems so close but so far away!!! I have really been entertaining the idea of a squatting land birth instead of a water birth this time. A friend of mine went to a seminar at The Trust Birth Conference where water birth was discussed. The midwife who taught the seminar said that water birth washes away all those post birth smells that help mom and baby bond. It was interesting to me. So I decided that I want to try it. It's always a very messy clean up with the water birth too (I know I have cleaned up after many a waterbirth at the birth center I worked at) , so I feel like it would be easier to deliver over some disposable pads and just throw them away and then have a nice peaceful herbal Leboyer bath with my little one a few hours later. I guess a Leboyer bath is technically immediately after birth, but I want to wait awhile. I really want to relish everything during this birth since it will be my last time. Birthing is something I truly enoy (crazily enough- much more than pregnancy) and I want to remember every memory.

But who know- when those contractions hit, I may say screw it and get in the tub!!! we will just have to wait and see!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Kissaluvs contour hybrid diaper review

so it's been awhile since I have done a product review.

When I first found out that I was pregnant with Bebe # 4, I decided I wanted to get one size diapers so that I could use the same diapers for both babies and have everything the same.

As most of you know(if you know me) I try to buy local when I can, which is originally what drew me to Kissaluvs Cloth Diapers. I used the old school Kissaluvs with Lexi and had some contours with Cyrus that were bought for me by the wonderful Brandi Nippert and Gabe Ohlson. I just didn't upsize when he grew out ofthem. Well about 5 months ago I noticed the new product on the website and HAD to have them. I loved that they have the option to use your own closure system but the legs are elasticized to hold in messy poops. I also liked the one size option since I will have multiple kids at different ages in diapers. So I finallybought some last week- and this is what I think of them.

THey are SUPER soft like the other kissaluvs diapers. There is a sewn in doubler that is a little bit long so that you can fold it under for extra protection. I really like that. The doubler is also only sewn in at the back of the diapers instead of all the way down the middle which makes for extra dry time.

It has extra long wings on the side to wrap around and use your own closure system with. I like to use snappis because I can maneuver them quickly with a wiggly baby, so that is a plus for me. THey do have some stretchiness to them so you can get a snug fit and avoid leaks.

the gussets are great at the legs. I have had 4 poopies that would have been oozing out the sides of my prefolds and probably even a disposable, but I didn't have that problem.

They make for a super trim fit and takes away alot of the bulkiness you see with cloth diapers.

My only issue..... I can't say that it qualifies to be a one size diaper which was a main attraction for me. The rise is just too short for my son. I am still able to use them for him, but it's a bit of a squeeze, which is okay since the fabric is so soft, but we won't be able to use them for him much longer. If the front top of the diaper was as long as the doubler, it would be perfect.

So all in all, for 10.95 per diaper I think it's a great deal, a great product, and hopefully Kissaluvs will come out with a toddler size for the Contour hybrid.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

what is this? OH! My neglected Blog!

Haha, so yeah it's been awhile. Things have been very high stress and chaotic around here the last few months and finally things are settling back into their places as they should be. I forget aboutmy blog sometimes, maybe because I don't have that many followers yet but alsobecause I have 3 kids with one on the way and it just makes things busy. The summer is approaching. Our Homeschool activities are at this point based more on fun learning. Not so much academic stuff, but as most of us know, the academics really do come naturally. Skylar taught herself to read this year (with help of course but she really did most of it on her own!)

Lexi's allergies have started getting really bad again. her breakouts seem to be getting more frequent, but we have still been able to keep it under control. I think there really is a link between her allergies and the heat. I think she is very sensitive to her own sweat because that seems to be when she breaks out the worst. So hopefully we can make it through the summer without any trips to the ER!

Cyrus is 14 months old now. He is SUCH a sweet baby! He is very affectionate, and explorative, and INTO EVERYTHING!!!! I really love the way he interacts with babies that are smaller than him, (aside from the eyegrabbing thing) it makes me confident that he will adjust well to the new little one on it's way.

AND THE LITTLE JUMPING BEAN- ahhh this pregnancy is truly flying by me. I am 28 weekson friday which equals 7 months. I am finally starting to really feel connected with this baby which I didn't feel for awhile at first. The excitement is starting to mount, I have been nesting like crazy and trying to get things set up now, so that I can just enjoy the rest of this pregnancy and the summer with my kids without having to worry about too much.

Alex is about to start another session in school. he is about 8 months away from graduating. He is making all As and Bs. He is working so hard to finish up, and keeping up his 40 hours at Baylor. He is the rock in this household.

I am have alot of new developments going on for me. I am currently trying to finish up all of my course work to be a workshop facilitator for "she births", a class that focuses more on the nonphysical aspects of labor and childbirth. It is about telling the truth about birth and includes touching on the spiritual subject of mother and baby bonding, and the connection they have while the bebe is in utero, as well as the emotional journey we take as mothers and what s means to cross that threshhold. Once I finish that up,I willstart holding workshops.

I am also doing some work with Kissaluvs cloth diapers. I am really excited about that!

I have also taken ownership of the UCHOUSTON yahoogroup and I am very committed to getting this group active again so that other women in houston seeking support for unassisted childbirth, have a place to go.

I have recently become a part of a group called 13for5, which is a project started by the Trust Birth Initiative, in which 13 women commit to spread the TRUTH about birth over the span of 5 years. weare just getting started and I am not completely sure what all this group will entail, but at the end of it there is supposedto be a documentary and it is supposed tobe a pretty big deal.

So now, I am also committing to staying updatedon this blog including "birth truths", family activities, our journey as we prepare for the entrance of our new addition, and new baby and natural parent product reviews. I hope to spread awareness aboutnatural parenting, natural childbirth, unassisted childbirth, and breastfeeding.

I do hope to be working with laboring moms again eventually, but right now I am focusing on the other ways I can reach these women while I am raising our small children. I hope our friends and family enjoy keeping up with usthis way!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Midwife or UC? * update!

okay. so I needed to meditate for awhile. I am keeping my midwife. Plain and simple- This is my 4th baby. I am going to have 3 kids to take care of as well. In the event that I have bleeding or placenta issues, I want someone there so that I am not the only one with the brains. I want a quick recovery. I want to have someone take care of ME! that's what a mother based service is. And really, I like her! I truly like her and I know that I can open up to accept her at my birth! This is my last baby and no matter what, it's going to be a busy birth because I want my kids there to see this time. So what's one more? All of my births have been different and this one will be too. But that is what makes them memorable. Every person that ends up at this birth is someone who is *meant* to be there.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

UC or midwife?

so when I first got pregnant I decided to hire a hands off midwife since I had so many issues to deal with postpartum with my last UC. I really like her. She is very down to earth and nice and she seems very quiet and hands off.

now I am questioning my decision. there are a few reasons I feel like I may want to UC again.
1) there are people that I want at my birth. I want my husband there. he is amazing support for me and really is my Doula. He is so good at knowing what I need and supporting me without using dialogue.
I want my friend Lisa there to videotape. She has been at both my 2nd and 3rd births and did the same thing. by this time, it is kind of a tradition. she is awesome at getting good shots and keeping her mouth shut. she also leaves immediately after the birth so that we can get things under control and comes back after things settle down.
I want my friend Amanda there to take stills. I had NO still shots during my labor and birth with my son. It was because my hubby was busy with me, Lisa was videotaping, and angela didn't know what to do with herself and grabbed her videotape instead of my digital cam which gave us LOTS of video footage but hardly any pics. I also really love Amanda's demeanor and I feel like she would be a calming addition to my birth.

Add a midwife and an assistant on top of that, and possibly one or two of my kids, and we might as well have a party and make it public! I could probably even charge admission and make a little money off of it.

another reason is the money. we will have the 2600 from our tax return next month. I can pay the midwife in full, but wow 2600 bucks when I KNOW I can birth this baby by myself is alot. what I really need is postpartum help. I am not the kind of mom that calls the midwife after the first contraction and has her there for 2 or 3 days. probably not even 12 hours. I know I can wait till the last possible minute to call her and she would honestly probably only be at my house for 4-5 hours total (including postpartum time).

I could use that money to pay for so many things. but then again, if it really came down to it, and she ended up saving my life, 2600 dollars seems like a minimal price for my life!!

Then there's the real issue. 1st baby, I retained my placenta but Dr pulled it out anyway causing my uterus to slightly invert, hurt LIKE HELL even with an epidural. I had extreme postpartum bleeding which they gave me a big bag of pitocin and saline to control.
2nd baby, i retained my placenta again. I as bleeding fast again. My midwife gave me methergine and I used nipple stimulation while she used light traction to get it to separate. She also injected pitocin into the cord which I have hear 2 different opinions about. One person said, it could have made my uterus clamp down and I would have had to transfer to get the placenta out, another person said it basically did nothing. I also got a shot of pit in my thigh. But I felt good after this birth! I didn't at all feel like I had lost alot of blood.
3rd baby- UC- I was bleeding alot. I was trying to wait for the placenta before I cut the cord but I knew I was bleeding too much, and I needed to work on getting that placenta out. I waited until the cord was flacid to cut it and then moved to the bathroom. Alex stimulated my nipples, I tried nursing but baby wasn't latching. The time in the tub flew by. I was starting to fade out. I knew I had pitocin in the fridge but I couldn't use it until the placenta was out so it was useless to me now. I was afraid to pull on the cord at all because I was afraid of another uterine inversion and I definitely wasn't inflicting that on myself. I did take some angelica but I can't even remember how much or how many times. I got to the point that I was ready to transfer. It wasn't until my hubby and my friend left me alone that I could really get my body working again. finally, an hour and 50 minutes later (bleeding heavily the whole time) I got my placenta out. once it was out, the bleeding got back to normal but I had already lost alot of blood and it affected me for almost 3 weeks. I couldn't stand up for more than a few seconds without feeling like I was going to pass out. that lasted for 2 and a half weeks. just moving from the bedroom to the living room was a problem for me.

so here's my inner debate on that.
1) maybe it was the fact that my husband and my friend were watching me that I couldn't get the placenta out.
2)maybe a midwife would have pulled too soon due to the fact that Iw as bleeding and I would have had a bigger problem than I did.
3)maybe if I had paid more attention to my previous births, I would have been more prepared instead of being in denial.
maybe this time I could make sure that I have "placenta out" and other herbal preps for that problem.

I don't know. I guess I am still debating. good thing I've got some time.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Mama's Milk

So in the last 6 weeks, since I found out I was pregnant, my milk has been rapidly depleting. I have done teas, pumped, drank alot of water, eaten alot of garlic, stodd on my head and spun around (just kidding about the last one) to try to make my milk increase. Cyrus lost about 10 oz, which I guess could be from him getting more active and crawling and walking in the walker but it freaked me out enough to decide to supplement.

So I put out an SOS to the houston mamas that I know that are breastfeeding asking for donated milk. I truly believe that what goes around comes around and I must have done something nice for someone because I had 2 people answer my call out. I went and picked up 20 5oz bags of breastmilk from a wonderful woman in houston. I also had another woman who is deciding wether or not she can help and will get back to me. I will do just about anything to keep from having to give my son formula. I know that some people say, "why not?"

Well aside from the allergies that Lexi has, I just feel that there is alot of milk out there that women save and do not use, so why not ask for it. Breastmilk is best and I want to give my kids the best. Yes I only nursed Lexi for a year, and I may only really get to nurse Cyrus for a good year before my milk completely dries up but If I can supplement him at least until then and maybe a little afterwards, I will feel that I did what I could to offer the healthiest choices.

I am 12 wks from my LMP and I guess I feel 12 weeks pregnant but maybe I don't. I am always so afraid of finding out I am not as far along as I thought because I want every pregnancy to be over as soon as it starts. I am not the happiest most glowing pregnant woman out there. I am actually quite the opposite lol. But I feel great immediately postpartum and I make the cutest babies ever, so it's worth it.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Another one?

Yes Yes. We are expecting another one. I ovulated twice in November (I am pretty sure) and oops! One more Yunker in the mix.

I have had a hard time connecting with this pregnancy but I am finally feeling the First trimester fog lift and so it is getting easier to get excited. I am excited about another baby, another birth, more breastfeeding, all the things I really love to do with my kids, but at the same time, I have a fear settling deep inside me.

Maybe I'm not woman enough to handle so many kids so close in age. I mean even just now I have found myself losing my temper because my 3 year old doesn't want to listen to me. Like.... at all. Can I handle all of the responsibility about to be put on me?

Yes I know I am capable! I know I am capable of practicing attachment practices, and breastfeeding, and cloth diapering and I know that I love my children and that I would do anything for them. I am just confused about when I am supposed to sleep so that I can recharge my body to have the energy to do all of those things.

Anyway, I don't want to sound like I am being negative, I am only trying to express my fears in a healthy manner.

I am going to try to blog throughout this pregnancy and stay up to date on it. at least every couple of days.