11 days.. are we still in counting?

Yes yes I believe we are. so my water finally broke broke yesterday around 5 pm. It started leaking the day before my due date and the last few days had seemed like it sealed bacck up. Then Yesterday while I was sitting on the bed I felt this really strange bubbling sensation and then felt like I peed my pants. The break is high because everytime it gushes, I can feel it bubbling from the top all the way down my stomach right before it comes out.

I had some serious contractions yesterday. I sent my kids off again because I was pretty sure this was it since my water had broken and my contractions were getting pretty strong. We sent our kids off again. I labored pretty hard. By 11 I had to go into the bedroom because the TV was just too much for my senses. I was very much having to focus through the contractions, and laid down and rested for a couple hours just trying to meditate through them. Then at some point, I guess someone hit the off button because I once again fell asleep and the contractions slowed down tremendously. Like my body just said, that's it for today.

I did still contract some throughout the night because I woke up to some of them and when I got up at 4, I had bloody show that I didn't before laying down. Then throughout the morning today I have lost my mucous plug, so even just the few I've had today have done something. I am just a lady in waiting right now. Thank god my husband is so patient. he has been amazing through all of this. Always reminding me that this birth is not about centimeters and percentages. I am lucky to have him by my side for this journey. I think alot of husbands would really be questioning the situation (god knows his brother and his mother are) and he just stands unfaltering that birth is a process and sometimes that process is long but it doesn't mean I am not capable.

I have tried so hard to be peaceful. I can still easily channel that peaceful feeling, but it is also so easy to feel almost like I am stir crazy. All of the logical answers make sense. I know them all. I am familiar with birth and everything that is happening makes sense... but man it is so easy to just let my emotions take over and I want to throw myself to the floor and pound it with my fists and cry and throw a big fat temper tantrum. But that won't really help anything either will it?

well, adieu for now. Hopefully a big update coming soon! (hopefully not like 9 or 10 pounds big tho)

fears

I guess I am needing to write down some fears as I think that is why I am getting so anxious about going overdue. I think if I make a statement of what I am fearful about I can relax and let something happen or at least just stop worrying about it.

I am not in any way fearful of giving birth. I am not afraid of tearing or bleeding. I feel I am equipped to handle the normal things that people fear in birth.

It does not scare me to go overdue but I am afraid of giving in to the thought that maybe I might not get regular contractions, or maybe it might be a longer labor than I imagined. I had such a short labor with lexi but after Wednesday, when I was so sure I was going to enter the hard labor phase any minute, It makes me realize that I could very well labor for several hours. With Lexi's birth, I was already further dilated several weeks before where I am now.

I am afraid that if I go see the midwife tomorrow and let her check me, she will try to strip my membranes. I would decline my pelvic but part of me is even afraid of me wanting her to! When I look at it logically, I know it is not a risk I want to take but when I think about just wanting to have this baby ASAP it seems like it's not as big of a deal as induction. I will probably just see if I can put my appt off until Wednesday and hopefully it will happen all on it's own before then.

I guess this is where I have to just accept that I could be pregnant a few days more and let go of my fears. I love giving birth, and I love testing my faith in my own body. I know that even if I have a long labor that I will be able to move through it and deliver a beautiful baby. I know that it will make me a stronger person. I know I will learn more about myself during the process.

maybe its an elephant in there

Another day..... I don't really even know what to say at this point. we are waiting just like everyone else.

41 weeks and 1 day

Yup. that's not a typo. I am officially goint into my 2nd week of being overdue. The mornings are the hardest. I guess by the end of the day I am just used to being pregnant like I have been any other day but in the morning, when I wake up, I feel a little let down that I haven't started doing anything. well, I will be going out again today to get active and hopefully something will happen. You know I joked through my whole pregnancy that I was going to have an april fools day baby. It might actually happen that way.

Be careful what you wish for people.... you just might get it!!

still in waiting

My affirmations keep me sane. I pretty much slept all day yesterday recovering from the day before and started my day off today with a long nap well into the early afternoon. My body is definitely showing signs that something will happen soon, I just don't know when. I am still okay with going overdue, it can just be a little depressing because I so thought I would have a baby in my arms by now. I am so looking forward to my journey and to birthing this little being that it is so hard to wait. I am shocked I am this far overdue. I never thought I would go this long. But that's okay. I am holding it together and hopefully now that I have rested, my labor will surprise me soon. at least I have psyched everyone out the last couple of days so everyone has pretty much quit calling to ask about "my progress" what ever the hell that means.

patience is a virtue

So yesterday really seemed like it would be the big day for the big move. I started having much more intense contractions at about 2pm and they continuted throughout the afternoon and evening. By 9pm I was really feeling like I was definitely going to be having a baby that nite or early in the morning, although I knew I still had a ways to go. We watched a movie and by the end of the movie, I was hardly even paying attention to it anymore. My "rushes" were 3-5 minutes apart and lasting nearly 2 minutes and were getting to be very intense.

By midnight I felt like I needed some rest since I had been up since 5 AM that morning. I knew that if I stayed up walking around it would stay consistent but I also knew that I would be exhausted. Even upon laying down, the rushes still came for another 2 hours or so. Then the next thing I knew, I was waking up at 5 am to pee and really didn't feel any at all. SERIOUSLY????? I know alot of women go through this but my last labor was 4 hours from start to finish. It's not like this is my first rodeo. I understand what is happening inside my body. I am still at peace with being overdue, I am just starting to worry about what we will do with our kids when the real time comes. They have been away from home for 2 days because I have been laboring on and off for 2 days. I have to pick them up today and I guess just wait until it's close to the big ball drop. how do you plan for the unplannable??

well here we are at day 6 of being overdue. can't be too much longer right??

Earth Birth Mom

I changed my email to this just recently. It is very interesting to me that I chose this particular name at that time because in my recent soul searching and studies, I have realized something interesting about myself.

I have always considered myself very earthy and granolaish. I was called a hippy in high school like it was a bad thing and loved it. So I chose my earthy moniker I felt like it suited me well. I'm earthy, I am a birthing being and love being surrounded by it, and I'm a mom. Turns out I'm not as earthy as I thought.

I have been getting connected with the elements and how they are associated with birth. What I realized, is that I felt much more connected to the other 3 elements and how I associated the parts of my personality with each one was alot easier to understand.

Now how did I connect to earth? It was hard for me to think of that. So I have recently really thinking about Earth and how I am connected to it and what that means. Here is what I've decided.

Earth is the most important element of the 4. It holds all the others. Water is found underground or in oceans and lakes. Fire would not burn outside our atmosphere. The air is all around us everywhere on Earth. On top of all of that, it gives us soil to grow trees and food to nourish the ecosystems we all live in. That is where I come to my point.

Life. I live life, I give life, I am life. The earth gives me the capacity to live and birth and die. That is how I am connected with the earth.

no guilt here

Thought things were happening last night.. love was flowing, zen surrounded us, and the rushing was taking over.

Upon constantly being bothered by in laws, everything stopped.
When we asked to not be bothered, guilt trips were dropped.

I am publicly stating here that I have no guilt and when my body starts going back to work, all phones will be turned off.

You can be held back in birth by unwanted visitors, including phone calls.

what peace will do

I know I already blogged today but I feel the need to blog again. I feel like I am a different person today. I have been saying my affirmations and I have not lost my temper once. Even when Lexi was really testing me this morning. I have not once felt like the miserably pregnant woman I was yesterday morning. I just feel like I am so lucky to be alive and to have the family that I have. My girls are amazing, my husband loves me and supports me, we have a roof over our head and good healthy food to eat in our kitchen. I didn't finish the laundry but I will get to it sometime. I may just make another trip to the laundry mat like I did a couple months ago. I don't really care if it's done before the baby gets here. I will always be able to do laundry but this is probably the last time I will be pregnant.


The affirmation I came up with- I will revel in my roundness- has really helped me enjoy my pregnant body today. I am an extraordinary machine. I am life! I can do something that some women are not blessed with the ability to do and I am so thankful for that miracle. I have gone through my pregnancies really taking them for granted. I give thanks to all the Goddess spirits that are on this journey with me. They support and protect me and I am confident that my passage through this birth will be amazing.

Refreshing

So I slept like a log last night. I woke this morning feeling like it is a new day and I have a ton of Goddess Power. I have let go of my anger and insecurity and I have chosen to enjoy what is left of this pregnancy no matter how long it may go. I feel like a big ball of love and I think that my baby can sense that.

My Daily affirmations
1. I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now
2. I will not harbor anger towards anything or anyone
3. I will revel in my roundness
4.My baby is healthy
5. My body knows what to do

I will say them each every day until my little one comes.

releasing.....

So I've been taking a course called "She Births." I am getting certified to become a workshop facilitator for pregnant women. It just so happens that I have been pregnant while doing my coursework so it has really spiritually and psychologically prepared me to birth this baby.

One chapter in the book is about reconciling broken or wounded relationships so that you don't have that negative energy hovering over your birth. For some people, that may mean making ammends or for other it could just confronting the problem and letting go of the bad vibes.

I have a very topsy turvy relationship with my own mother in my life and I think that has really affected me throughout all of my pregnancies because of the obvious connection in motherhood, pregnancy, and birth.

Well tonite, I have decided to let the anger that I harbor be released. I do hope that in the future our relationship can be mended because we have experienced great times together throughout my life but right now, I just have to focus on myself, this baby, and my family.

I have let those feelings go. It was hard but I have agreed to not let it affect where I am right now.

Because I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now and I will not let anything dampen my enthusiasm that surrounds this birth.

I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now

right?? I am trying to keep peace, and zen in my life. I am not physically miserable (close but not quite) but I just really thought something would be happening by now. I think more than anything, I am just really exhausted. I just want to lay around and sleep but I have so much to do. I am also sick of leaking fluids. I kept thinking I would have this baby on a tuesday so manybe tomorrow is my day. I just can't imagine going until next tuesday!!! But anything is possible. I just so badly want to nurse my baby. (I don't know who this is underlined but I can't figure out how to turn it off. So if you are reading this, just ignore it) well I plan on getting some housework and cooking out of the way today so maybe once I get all of that done, I can rest and relax and maybe m body will start doing it's work. If nothing else I can at least take a nap!!!

one advantage to going overdue

so it's 2 days past and I am okay. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out but other times I am very much at peace.

One advantage- my hubby woke me up with breakfast in bed. It was great! I woke up, ate, and rolled over and went back to sleep for a little while.

we are going to the arboretum today to see if maybe some hiking will make my body get to work. If nothing else, at least I will get some of this beautiful, new spring air in my body.

I guess due dates come and go

So today is my due date. am I surprised? no. I was pretty sure this day would be like any other. My body is definitely starting to do work, but I just don't think we will see this baby on the first day of spring. Although it would have been a lovely day to say we had our baby on. I am so ready to retire my maternity wardrobe. I am so excited to unpack my old clothes and get some new ones. I know I can't be pregnant forever... my special day is coming soon

weeks

okay another quick comment...

how can pregnancy slip by us so fast until the last few weeks and then it seems like an eternity. I feel like this week was just super long. Like as long as 2 or 3 weeks.

grrrr

My sacred Birth Nest

So here I am, one day shy of my duedate. I am more okay with going overdue now that I am here than I was a week ago.

After working on my "She Births" coursework, I have decided that I am going to set up a birthing nest.
I bought a birthing pool today and blew it up. I am not sure if I will want to waterbirth during labor but if I don't, I may just make the pool super comfy and have the baby in there anyway to contain any messes. Then I can just take a leboyer bath afterwards.
I am going to black out my big window in there because I want darkness during labor. I want to be lit by candles and have no light from outside. With my last birth I just assumed I would deliver at night, during the dark and sure enough, I didn't. 9:30 AM with the bright morning sun cheering us on!! This time I am creating my own darkness in the event that I am a daytime birther. I also have a tapestry that I plan to hang up. I will line the room with candles to light as I choose.

My water has been slowly leaking all day. This could only mean that I have a leaky bag of waters until the baby comes whenever it's good and ready or it could mean that something could happen any minute. Wouldn't it be funny if I actually did go on my Due date? Something tells me this baby is going to come to us on Tuesday. That would make it an Aries baby.

I guess we will just have to keep up the waiting game. but seriously, the next person that calls to ask me if I have had the baby yet, may just get an earful. And no I don't want to go to births at the birthcenter right now and no I don't want to babysit anyone's kids. I want to have solitude. I need some ME time before our little one joins us.

I wish I had a personal cook to cook all the meals until the baby came. That would be the most wonderful thing ever! (aside from a gentle birth)

Just a little rant

So I come across this website for pregnancy massage and Doula care in my area. The way they described their services... "We help to relieve the traumatic physical effects of pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum regrouping." Why in the world would a Doula put the word traumatic in front of pregnancy and birth???? It is only solidifying our society's belief that pregnancy and birth are to be feared! I realize that there are women that have traumatic experiences but what about the women who don't? Why are we not to be helped by pregnancy and postpartum massage? ugh! Well I can honestly say I won't be signing up for her massage. I definitely do not want someone with that view on preg and birth to be touching me before I have my baby!!!!!!!

keeping the peace

Yesterday was kind of a hard day for me. I had contractions on and off all day. It was very tiring and I just felt, i guess more emotionally drained than physically drained. This is the homestretch. The part just before you reach the last leg of the race which is no doubt the hardest part. I made all these plans for this week when I really just want to be reclusive. At the same time though, I don't want to sit around and obsess about the fact that I don't have my little one in my arms yet. Every feeling I have is so contradictory to another. I am not only excited to have a new addition to our family but I so much am ready for my husband's 2 week vacation he is taking off. I want to wake up every morning to his face and feel his warmth against me before we roll out of bed. I hate that he is up and out the door before I am even concious to the world. He works hard for our family, he works hard for me to be able to be home with our girls. I do still have to work but I am able to off hours so I can homeschool during the day. I am hoping this babe comes soon but I am prepared to wait if that's waht is in the cards for me. I definately want a fully cooked baby. (Although right now would be fully cooked enough if you ask me.)

these last few

My 1st baby just turned 7 yesterday. 7!!!!! That means I have been on this journey of motherhood for almost 8 years! And yet I feel so young. I mean I am so young! I made gluten free cupcakes tonite for her little party tomorrow. My first attempt came out pretty good. Well I guess we will see after icing them!

I got 2 new wool diaper covers, an ecobunz all in one, and 4 new huggabuns this week. I can't wait to use these diapers!! I plan on doing one last load of diaper washing to get ready (I've done this twice already but I will do it one more time to make sure they aren't stale and to wash the new ones.) I will also lanolize the wool covers.

When I came home today, Alex had cleaned our whole house so now all I have to do is laundry. I almost cried when I walked in the door because I had been dreading doing it in my WAY pregnant state. He even did it with an injured back which shows true love if I've ever seen it.

I am trying to keep myself busy all week so I don't sit around thinking about when I will go into labor (although I have had several contractions this evening... doubt it's labor but at least its something).

Tomorrow we are going to the kids museum grand reopening with some other fams for sky's little celebration, tomorrow nite we are having a soup swap party,
Sunday we will go to another kids Bday party
Monday I am going to a play date for kids with food allergies,
Tuesday I babysit
Wednesday is the houston baby wearers of the woodlands meet
Thursday I babysit
Friday I have a silly midwife appt (which I don't really even know what I am going for but whatever) (also this is my due date)
and then Saturday and sunday I am doing absolutely jack shit! If I have not had this baby, I will do nothing but relax and take hot baths and get my hubby to give me reflexology treatments and massages until we get to meet our little one.

A lady in the grocery said I was having a boy today. She had a psychic look about her. I guess we will just have to wait and see...............

The Final Cleanse

So Today is the day. (No I am not in labor) But today is the day I am going through and cleaning my house one last time from top to bottom. I will reorganize all of my baby stuff one last time and make sure everything is clean before he or she arrives. I will set up my birth supplies and make sure that all I have to do over the net couple of weeks is just light cleaning. I have about 2 weeks left (hopefully not much longer than that) and I don't want to do anything other than play with my girls, rest, and make my cloth wipies. I hope I can at least get together with some friends once or twice before then but who knows if I can actually manage everything. I also want to try and work on my Facilitator Training stuff as much as I can before the baby comes. I want to make birth art. I still need to write thank you notes too! I wonder when I will feel like I've done everything I need to so I can let my body work........

fellow UCers

I got to hang out with some other women who have birthed unassisted today. I have met one other woman who wants to but is not due till next month. It was really nice to talk to other women face to face about their experiences. I finally felt like I was one of a group rather than one of a kind. It was definitely refreshing to not be the oddball. It felt so normal and natural to be talking about it rather than everyone else sitting around saying "wow you're brave" or "I could never do that". Sometimes I want to say to those same people "well you are brave to trust the life of your child to some person you know nothing about". I am so excited for this birth! I feel so empowered as I prepare myself. I am loving my pregnant body right now. My husband loves my pregnant body right now. Aside from the aches and pains and the occasional nerve shocks here and there, I just feel so womanly and beautiful. I have this life inside me that has grown from the size of a single cell. It is so gratifying to think that I am a creator.

I guess our little babe has dropped down further into my pelvis because my appetite has picked up immensely in the last 2 days and I can suddenly breathe easier. At lunch today I ate more than I normally eat when I am not pregnant and didn't even feel like my stomach hurt. I probably could have fit a dessert in there if I had wanted to lol.

I wonder when the time will come. I keep telling people I want to spend time with them before the baby comes but there may not be enough days on the calendar......

is it really almost time?

some parts of me feel like theres not enough hours in the day to do everything I need to do and still have time to lay around and be big and pregnant. All I have left to buy is a breastpump and a couple more bottles and we are good to go. I still need to set up a little area to birth in if I feel like squatting on the floor or something while I deliver and set up all my supplies and that's it. I had a few contractions last night but nothing that said "oh this might be it!" I fully expected to be experiencing more "uterobics" by now but not much of anything which makes me think I could go overdue. I know that some women say that when they have more babies, their labors become more efficient and have less contractions with more work. Maybe I will be one of those lucky ones. who knows though, I could be one of the 3rd time mommies who's 3rd labor is longer than their first 2 combined. I sure hope not but I guess I am game for whatever. I am prepared for a long labor if that is what I get. I really can't wait. I have been preparing myself emotionally and spiritually for this as well as trying to stay active even though I want nothing more than to lay around and be lazy and not chase kids BUT this is my life and I'm glad I have it. Even when I want to pull my hair out.

my little ones are still little

I guess in the every day hustle and bustle of life, I lose sight of the real ages of my children. They seem so advanced that I forget the sky is only about to be 7 and lexi is still 2 and still wears diapers and uses a bink to go to bed. I cuddled in bed with Lexi for about 15 minutes before they went to bed and I just remember so much of her birth. It is all still so fresh in my mind. It is a little more foggy with Sky's birth due to the drugs and the chaos. I have been focusing so much on birth and spirituality these last few days. I am so ready to have this baby physically but my mind is still working out some kinks.

With both of my last pregnancies I thought every little twinge was a possible start of labor. This time it doesn't even cross my mind. I guess it will jump out at me when the time comes. Who knows when that will be.

I really hope this birth is all that I am hoping. I hope Alex and I both get what we want out of it and healthy baby to go along with it.

my preparation

I feel a spirit wiggling around inside me getting ready to enter our world. I feel like I have so many things to do and not enough time to do it. I am nesting like crazy and preparing my own spirituality for the journey ahead of me. This is my first blog so I have alot to learn about the blogger world. I am excited to share my experience with my friends/loved ones. Now if I could just learn how to use my camera and post some pics....... like I said.. Too much to do!