Time is slipping away from me. So many things to do. I am spending my days getting more and more impatient with the world around me. I try to be happy and upbeat and ummm.... that other word... on the tip of my tongue...oh yeah! positive... that's the one. It's hard sometimes. I don't want to go anywhere, but my kids want to go everywhere. I do want to spend time with friends and family before this bebe gets here but gosh I just know so many people (yeah I'm the popular chick now lol) but it is so hard to make it all happen and coordinate schedules, because the reality of it is... if you have kids, and goals you wish to accomplish.... it's hard to get everything done and still have time for a social life.
I've got roughly 6 weeks left before I am due. I started from the beginning of this pregnancy saying that my due date was 2 weeks later than it is so that I would be mentally prepared to go overdue. Yeah that flew out the window as soon as the heat from the summer set in. Yeah this heat. it's like living inside an oven all the time. I'm so over being pregnant in the summer. It truly is a cruel torture that we summer mamas endure. so now here I am 6 weeks away from my REAL due date feeling as if I might cry if I go too far past that. Exactly what I wanted to avoid. It makes me so thankful for my other spring babies, and also makes me feel like an idiot complaining about the temperature with the other pregnancies, because nothing compares to this july-august crap!! Oh Father Sun! please go the EFF away!!! Find a nice comfy spot, go to sleep and come back to visit us when I am not 3 times the size I normally am. Yes I am bitching, but it's my blog so screw it I can say anything I want.
I am hoping to be able to arrange some sort of blessing ritual again with this pregnancy, but the calendar has more and more X's on it every time I look at it.
I am looking forward to giving birth, catching my own baby, seeing his or her face for the first time, feeling to see if we have a daughter or son, breastfeeding a wee one, and putting my slings and carriers back to work... The cloth diapering... yes I enjoy it, I am truly passionate about it, but HOLY GEEZ I change so many poo poo diapers already, I don't see where I will have time for anything else!!! I am actually trying out some new cloth diapers right now from Daddys Diaper Service. I am in the beginning phases of finding out what works best for us, so no review yet.
Today was a very lazy day. I took a 3 hour nap today since my hubby was home to take care of me (my back is in serious condition right now). I am lucky to have him. Even when he makes me nuts. It truly is a contest between him and the kids right now to see who can make me pull out more hair.
I am just so ready to be myself again. I have been pregnant for so long (like seriously almost 2 years) and I really lose sight of who I am during this hormonal time. I am normally a pretty tough chick and can handle most situations with elegance and grace... LOL who I am kidding. It's more like I can handle most situations with attitude and a little bit of force, but right now I am like a damsel in distress ALL THE TIME which is so not like me as most of you know!!!
Sometimes ladies, the thing that most people don't tell you is.. that even though pregnancy is an amazing time in our lives and we experience the most incredible feelings and changes in our bodies, sometimes it can be a bit depressing here at the end. It's like You are so close- but so far away. The conflictions about wanting your baby here, and wanting to stay pregnant are so great sometimes, that you make no sense from one sentence to the next. I think I can consider myself a veteran at this point, and I truly love pregnancy and childbirth and all the Earthy Birthy things that go with them, but to be TOTALLY honest- right now I would kill for an Ice cold Margarita or 4!!!! haha- that won't be an option for me even once I am not pregnant.... at least not for awhile... but hey! a girl can dream!